Merry Christmas to one and all!
I hope everyone is having some peace today as they celebrate (or don't) Christmas. However, I realize that Christmas is not always jolly and bright, and I, too, have mixed emotions. Below is a post I wrote about missing my mother that sums up my jumbled feelings on this joyous day.
Christmas Smiles
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| My mother, last Christmas |
My mother had dementia and slowly left us over the years in many ways. It was discouraging and sad to watch, but no matter what her outward appearance was, I always felt a connection between us during my visits. Towards the end, she was usually quiet, often with a distant stare. But then I'd say something, and there would be a little glint in her eye or a slight smile, and I knew that she was communicating in the way that was available to her at that point in her life. We were connecting, and it made me happy. Before I experienced the last couple of years with my mother, I never would have thought that those difficult times would be the ones I missed the most. But for now, they are.
However, life goes on no matter what the circumstances, and this grief is not consuming my life. It's just a part of it. I am happily preparing for Christmas. I am ahead this year in many things and feeling more relaxed than usual. I am enjoying the Christmas lights and the Christmas music. I am having good times with my sisters and friends. Ward and I are having long talks and making fun plans.
With all of those things, I'm trying to live what my mother taught me up until the end of her life. She kept living even when it seemed to the outside world that life wasn't worth it. So as I think of her little smiles, I smile, too. Through the tears.
How blessed those of us who had good parents are. I find myself wondering how my parents navigated their own losses, now that they aren't around to ask. The cycle of life. I find that my current family often talks about my parents at holiday times. It keeps them alive in our hearts.
ReplyDeleteMay you have a wonderful Christmas!
We had a long but good day celebrating with family. One nephew brought some old papers and pictures from his mother to share and give to others. That was a special time as we remembered Ward's sister who died several years ago.
DeleteThat is a very sweet memory you shared. Thank you. We were sitting here laughing about good times we had with my parents through the years at Christmas!
ReplyDeleteWard and I spent some quiet time this morning remembering and sharing the Christmases of our youth. It was a fun thing to do before the chaos of the day began.
DeleteChristmas is especially poignant once we've lost a loved one, isn't it? That first Christmas after my mother died, I didn't feel like celebrating. But, I wanted to keep things as normal as possible for my daughter, so I hung the snowman wreath my mother had asked me to make, put out the blanket that I had crocheted which she had liked, and the cushion covers she had sewn. That was all, but, it was enough.
ReplyDeleteI hope you, Ward, and your family had a very happy Christmas.
We had a happy Christmas and feel very blessed that we have family to celebrate with even though we were missing those who have left us.
DeleteMerry Christmas L and L.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Strayer. I hope you had a good day and are surviving the rain.
DeleteWhat a lovely tribute to your Mom! And I am glad that you can smile through the tears.
ReplyDeleteWe did some reminiscing this year, and it was good to laugh at some of those memories.
My mother's birthday was the day after Christmas, so my sister's and I were sharing silly pictures of my mother and talking fondly about her strengths and quirks and everything that made her up. Memories come with all kinds of emotions.
DeleteHolidays can be hard. Thank you for sharing about your Mother. I hope you felt some joy and peace. Have a Happy New Years!
ReplyDeleteChristmas was good and Happy New Years to you, Tammie.
DeleteI'm sad to hear you're missing your mother right now. You are right about the holidays being a tough time of year. It sounds like you have many happy memories of your mother. I think memories are one of the ways we can hold close our loved ones who are no longer here.
ReplyDeleteMost of the memories are good and bring smiles more often than tears. But I don't think you every get over losing someone.
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