Recently, I caught up with an older
friend I hadn't seen for a while. When I asked what was new, she
replied, “Well, I have a new brother and a different father than I
thought I had!” She proceeded to tell a complicated
story that started with her daughter, who was doing genealogy research,
and ended with a DNA test.
I was shocked. Even though this kind of
stuff is the bread and butter of TV plots, I'd never known anyone in
real life who found out something like this. I have friends with
adoption stories, but no one with a story quite like this to tell.
And what makes it even more remarkable is that this woman is in her 80's and her living brother is in his 90's. After I closed
my dropped jaw, I asked her how she felt about this new development.
She said that she was still processing things, but some pieces of her
childhood made more sense now. The next week, her daughter was going
to take her to meet her new half brother. She wasn't sure how she
felt about that either. She was having a hard time wrapping her mind
around an 80 year history and identity that had suddenly changed.
Since my visit with her, I've thought a
lot about how I'd feel if something like this happened to me.
Intellectually, I know that I would still be who I was and a past
that I didn't even know about for most of my life wouldn't matter. But
the emotional part of me started to think what if someone told me
that my father wasn't my father. Or if I had siblings that I didn't
know. That made me feel very unsettled. We each have a personal story
that we tell ourselves and others--who our parents are, where we've
lived, what happened in third grade, etc. I don't know if I'd be
ready to tell a new story all of a sudden.
But that is what life is about and
that's what makes each of our stories so interesting—there is
always something new waiting for us around the corner.
I had a similar surprise. My dad was married before he met my mom, he had two children by that marriage. They divorced, he gave up parental rights to children and married my mom. I was never suppose to know. I happened to find his divorce decree when I was around 30, and went on a hunting expedition to find the siblings. Eventually I was able to track them down, meet the brother and get to know his family. The brother died about 10 yrs ago due to a sudden heart attack. My dad was pissed that I found them maybe it was his guilty conscience.
ReplyDeleteI guess that parents think they're protecting their kids, but I don't know how they can keep secrets like this from them. I'm glad you were able to get to know your brother before he died.
DeleteIt was a blessing to be sure.
DeleteWow, to be in your 80s and discover that would be a shocker. My best friend has a story similar to Lisa's, above--I believe she was in her 40s when she discovered her father had been married previously and had a daughter from that marriage. My friend has developed a relationship with this woman (I think they've met once or twice) and fortunately, both people are nice people, but what a surprise for everyone. I'm not sure, if I were the parent, that I could keep something like that under wraps for so long.
ReplyDeleteI guess these kind of stories happen in more places than soap operas. I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't be able to keep something like this from my kid--at least not after they became an adult. However, times were different back then.
DeleteWow, that definitely would be quite a surprise...
ReplyDeleteIt was definitely a surprise especially that she had a brother still living.
DeleteWow, that's fascinating!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in the 7th grade we had to test our blood type in science class. My mother had type A, my Dad is type B and my brother is type AB. Imagine my surprise when I came out type O! This combined with the fact that I look NOTHING like anyone on my dad's side of the family had me convinced for years that my father wasn't my real dad.
Of course, years later I found out that a person who is type A can either have 2 A's or one A and one O... same with a type B - so the test really didn't show anything. I guess I sorta figure that anything is possible, but in the long run, does it really matter? I mean, when push comes to shove, I think that our shared experiences are vastly more important than our DNA.
When I was a kid, my sisters tried to convince me that I was adopted because I looked the most different of the kids. Of course, they were just teasing me, but I wasn't too sure.
DeleteWhether there is shared DNA or not, aren't siblings fun sometimes?
That's an amazing story. Real life does sometimes throw up story lines that the soap operas might reject as being too fantastical!
ReplyDeleteI didn't include all of the details, but it is a pretty amazing story. Unfortunately, no one is alive any more to give her answers to some of her questions.
DeleteFirst time commenting here. That sounds like the premise for a really good book! Of course whoever "They" are always say truth is stranger than fiction.
ReplyDeleteMy middle son used to tell everyone he was adopted and was a native of Russia. No one believed him since I have 3 sons who look enough alike to almost be triplets.
I love your middle son's story. Why did he choose Russia? One of my sons changed his name and got all of his teachers at school to call him by his new name. We never did at home and after about a year or so, he "changed" it back. Kids are interesting as they're trying out new identities.
Delete