When Ward and I checked out at Lowes the other day, the cashier asked how long we'd been married. I'm not sure what prompted her question. We were on a mission buying fence boards, not really talking to her or each other. I was impressed when Ward immediately said, "43 years." (I've been married long enough that I've stopped keeping track, although I can figure it out if I think a bit.) She said we looked so peaceful and asked what our secret was. She said she had been married for 7 years, and her husband drove her crazy. I wasn't sure how to answer other than, yeah, that happens sometimes.
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| We're almost to the 10-year mark here. |
Ward and I met in grad school, started dating, and married about two years later when we finished school. Our marriage began with love and commitment but little real-life experience. In the early years, we were learning about real jobs, a new city, and each other. For example, it took the longest time to figure out our different discussion arguing styles.
Eventually, the kids came along with a whole new set of experiences. We delighted in Wally and Theo, but they were not the easiest children to raise. Many stressors came with these challenging boys, and their early years were not always easy for Ward and me.
We've also dealt with serious illnesses, career changes, moves, and aging parents. All of these things have changed who we are in some way. And I feel very fortunate that with each experience, we have grown closer instead of apart. I can understand how that might not always happen.
I guess that underneath it all, Ward and I have mutual respect and know we can always depend on each other. Throw in similar ideas about money, family, and leisure activities, and you've got a winning formula—at least, it seems to be working for us.
Actually, I think any relationship, whether it lasts a long time or a short time, is too complex to explain in a few paragraphs. So maybe I should just say I've been married for a while. I'm not sure why, but it seems to be working. I think I'm just going to enjoy it and not try to figure it out.
Note: I asked Ward how he would answer the cashier's question, and he said it was complicated, and he didn't want to talk about it. He was too busy figuring out counting to the quick step. That's a new dance we're trying to learn. I thought his time was better spent at that so we wouldn't look so confused at Monday's dance class, so I didn't question further. 😀
The dance class is part of your secret. Seriously. Other than that, who knows. We're married 42 years now, together for 45 and all we can come up with is respect and kindness and doing good stuff together.
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting, Sabine. Kindness is an important part, too. Congrats on the long relationship you are in. You have had your share of trials. Serious illness often brings on stresses that some can't deal with.
DeleteMarriage is a twisting path, full of surprises both good and bad. You two have found your way where so many fail.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you describe marriage as a twisting path that's full of surprises. I think that describes it perfectly.
DeleteThis is so sweet. I love that the cashier picked up on your relationship vibes and asked for feedback. Like you said, mutual respect and values are a great foundation. I remember asking my mom, when she was in the midst of caring for my dad as his dementia was worsening, how she could stand dealing with the day-to-day stressors. She said, "Because years ago I made a promise." That brought tears to my eyes (still does, in fact).
ReplyDeleteYour mother represented the truest form of love and commitment. I understand why the story brings a tear to your eye.
DeleteSounds like you and Ward found the way to keep your marriage strong. Mutual love and respect and genuine liking probably plays a big part. Congratulations on 43 years of being married. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Bless. It's one of those numbers that hard to believe, but time marches on.
DeleteYou two keep trying new things, like the dance class. Maybe that's a part of the secret.
ReplyDeleteI think that's part of it. The older we get, the more set in our ways we get, so sometimes, it's hard to get out of our comfort zone and do new things. But we keep trying.
DeleteCongratulations on 43 years of marriage!
ReplyDeleteWhat a cute picture of your boys!
I don't know the secret to a happy marriage, but I like your description for a winning formula. I would add that we can still make each other laugh most every day
Good point about laughter. Laughter is a welcome addition to any relationship and necessary for any that is going to last very long.
DeleteWhat a great picture of y’all! I think y’all are right. I’m sure that answer would be so different for each couple, but the fact that y’all are still trying new adventures together (dancing) would surely be one! 43 years is a long time and I pray I see that many with my husband!
ReplyDeleteNeither one of us is the adventurous type, so it's good for both of us to get out of our comfort zone.
DeleteThis paragraph says it all:
ReplyDelete"I guess that underneath it all, Ward and I have mutual respect and know we can always depend on each other. Throw in similar ideas about money, family, and leisure activities, and you've got a winning formula—at least, it seems to be working for us."
Add to that letting the little things go and you are well on your way. Some couples argue and nitpick of the smallest of things, it is just unhealthy.
The longer we're together, the easier it is to let the little things go.
DeleteCongratulations on 43 years! It sounds like the two of you are enough alike to be on the same page about the big/important things and different enough to keep it interesting and play to your different strengths.
ReplyDeleteI hope the dance class went well!
I also wanted to thank you for your donation to our fundraiser. It meant so much to see that from a blog friend. Thank you.