Pondering

When Ward and I checked out at Lowes the other day, the cashier asked how long we'd been married. I'm not sure what prompted her question. We were on a mission buying fence boards, not really talking to her or each other. I was impressed when Ward immediately said, "43 years." (I've been married long enough that I've stopped keeping track, although I can figure it out if I think a bit.) She said we looked so peaceful and asked what our secret was. She said she had been married for 7 years, and her husband drove her crazy. I wasn't sure how to answer other than, yeah, that happens sometimes. 

We're almost to the 10-year mark here.

Her question has had me pondering what our "secret" is or why anyone's marriage succeeds or fails. I think there are probably as many answers to that question as there are couples. Certainly, no simple saying or formula comes to mind for why Ward and I have been together for all these decades.

Ward and I met in grad school, started dating, and married about two years later when we finished school. Our marriage began with love and commitment but little real-life experience. In the early years, we were learning about real jobs, a new city, and each other. For example, it took the longest time to figure out our different discussion arguing styles.

 Eventually, the kids came along with a whole new set of experiences. We delighted in Wally and Theo, but they were not the easiest children to raise. Many stressors came with these challenging boys, and their early years were not always easy for Ward and me.

We've also dealt with serious illnesses, career changes, moves, and aging parents. All of these things have changed who we are in some way. And I feel very fortunate that with each experience, we have grown closer instead of apart. I can understand how that might not always happen.

I guess that underneath it all, Ward and I have mutual respect and know we can always depend on each other. Throw in similar ideas about money, family, and leisure activities, and you've got a winning formula—at least, it seems to be working for us.

Actually, I think any relationship, whether it lasts a long time or a short time, is too complex to explain in a few paragraphs. So maybe I should just say I've been married for a while. I'm not sure why, but it seems to be working. I think I'm just going to enjoy it and not try to figure it out. 

Note: I asked Ward how he would answer the cashier's question, and he said it was complicated, and he didn't want to talk about it. He was too busy figuring out counting to the quick step. That's a new dance we're trying to learn. I thought his time was better spent at that so we wouldn't look so confused at Monday's dance class, so I didn't question further. 😀