Sometimes I understand why people do what they do. And sometimes I don't.
Case in point. I was in a children's program recently where the presenter talked about and showed live animals (turtles and snakes). There were lines marked on the floor where the children should sit with instructions to stay within the lines and leave room for her to walk around so everyone could see. Some enthusiastic kids had to be reminded once or twice of the rules, and one or two went to sit with their parents when the temptation to get closer to the animals was too much. And then there was the toddler who didn't want to be there.
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| During the program, we learned that male box turtles have bright orange eyes while females have duller yellow-brown eyes. (photo from Marylandbiodiversity.com) |
So why didn't the mother consider how her child's behavior affected the other 90 people in the room? All of the other grownups handled their kids when they were disturbing others. Some stepped outside with babies who were crying. The toddler's mom could have done the same before she was asked. Was she so used to a fussy child that she didn't think anyone noticed? Was it a cultural thing where more is tolerated from children than it is in our society? Was she just one of those people who doesn't read social cues very well? I don't really know, but I do know that I don't understand.
Note: When Ward read this, he said that I should say that I was annoyed and frustrated with the situation because of how much I complained about it when I got home. He's right. I was really annoyed.
(Actually, there are many more behaviors that I don't understand these days, but they are much too serious to discuss here.)
Maybe a sense of entitlement? That seems to be the reason for a lot of behaviors these days. Think the little one was on the autistic spectrum? These days I tend to give more grace in situations than I would have in the past so not sure how I would have felt if I was in that situation. Was the presenter annoyed by it all?
ReplyDeletebetty
I hadn't considered entitlement. There are a lot of examples of that today. The little girl was too young to say whether or not she was on the autism spectrum (except she wasn't on the severe end). There was not a problem with the child, it was the parent who disturbing everyone else when there were obviously better ways to deal with the situation. This wasn't like where a kid has a tantrum in the grocery store and the parent keeps shopping just so they can get what they need. It was just a case of the parent being inconsiderate, in my opinion.
DeleteThe presenter was experienced with groups of kids and was very good with crowd control. She told the girl and her mother a couple of times that they needed to sit down a couple, but then went on and ignored them. However, body language said she was annoyed. The adults in the audience were definitely annoyed. Lots of looks and whispers.
DeleteHa. I'm right there with you on this one. Could be entitlement, although I skew towards clueless parents. It hasn't been all that long since I had young children so I feel like I can say that without the "back in my day .... " tone. I've seen many, many examples of parents who push their kids past their limits (they are tired or hungry or both), parents who don't consider the child's age and maturity level with different activities, and parents who don't bring along quiet distractions when they know that their kids will have to sit quietly for a period of time (at church or a doctor's office, for example). In my experience, parents of special-needs kids are more in tune with these issues and take steps to help manage the behaviors (except perhaps for kids who can't handle an overstimulating environment). I feel like this problem will only get worse with our smartphone mindset--adults now turn to their phones during boring moments and aren't using internal controls to manage their external behavior (I think of it as the adult version of a pacifier), so how can kids be expected to manage tedium if the adults in their lives can't?
ReplyDeleteWhy yes, I could go off on a very long rant about this, but I'll end now. :)
We had a box turtle find its way to our back yard a few years ago and we got all geeky and learned about the eye color thing. My kids still speak fondly of that time.
You obviously have thought about this subject before and made some very good points. In this situation, I didn't see anything to distract the toddler like a toy or snack or even some kind of screen. The program was at a library, so books were readily available if she had forgotten something. But your bottom line of how many have forgotten or never learned how to manage tedium may be the most important point. If you don't know how to handle your own idle time, how can you know how to help children manage theirs.
DeleteManaging kids can be hard, so I try to look beyond my immediate reaction of irritation and remind myself that maybe the parent is having a tough day. Your situation, though, sounds more like a lack of awareness on the mother's part. When my kids were little, I was trying to make my own life more manageable by keeping my kids occupied. If they were content, then I was less likely to be stressed out. Self preservation, I guess! I kept a tote bag of only-when-we-are-out activities for my kids, which was a lifesaver. Those Crayola markers that will only work on the special Crayola paper (Color Wonder)? Perfect! The novelty of only using them on rare occasions made many a doctor's office visit tolerable. :)
DeleteYou may not know it from my complaining in this post, but I am usually understanding with misbehaving kids because my kids were were not ones to sit quietly, so they took a lot of management. In fact, when I saw the enthusiastic kids, who were a little more active than they should have been in the program, that made me smile because it made me think of Wally and Theo.
DeleteMaybe this was a learning lesson for the mom and she will be better prepared for the next situation.
I've seen this sort of thing happen quite a lot. I have no idea why parents don't act like parents in circumstances such as that one.
ReplyDeleteThere are probably many reasons that parents don't act like parents, just like there are many reasons that people aren't responsible with their pets. You certainly know about that.
DeleteMy first thought was entitlement. A lot of people seem to have the idea that the rules don't apply to them and that they apply even less to their kids.
ReplyDeleteI would have been very annoyed and frustrated, too. It really annoys me when one or two people manage to ruin an experience for so many people.
I guess that's what bothered me the most was that they were ruining it for everyone else.
DeleteYes. I agree with you both. I went to a cooking class with a couple of friends and there were a group of women that came that thought they were so cute. They kept interrupting the chef and kept asking him stupid questions and giggling at their own cleverness. But you can clearly see the chef and the rest of the class was not amused.
DeleteThe kids at the cooking class seem a little older. Old enough they should have been gently told that they were interrupting the class and to stop. The toddler had no idea or ability to understand the situation around her. It was entirely up to her mother to take care of her.
DeleteSorry I'm late commenting, but, I no longer receive notifications to your posts (this seems to be happening with a couple of other blogs I follow, too!).
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I'm sorry to read about how one parent's lack of parenting skills with a tired child seems to have spoiled the whole presentation. :(
Blogger stopped email notifications during the past year. The only way to get notifications is through the Manage button on the Reading List in Blogger. I figured this out for someone else. It works fine if you have an blog with blogger, but if you don't there is no easy way to follow someone now. I have no idea why they changed things, but it makes it more complicated for the user.
DeleteOh, thank you, June. I went to my reading list and added your blog to it! I hope that will work! :)
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