Thankful Sunday, June 30, 2019

I am thankful for birds.

Catbirds are one of the birds that visit the feeders and fly around the yard.

Years ago, Ward said he wanted to get a bird feeder, so I set one up for his birthday. Little did I know how much enjoyment I would get from watching the birds around it. While we're still trying to figure out the best way to set feeders up around our new house, I am enjoying the birds that visit. And for that, I am thankful.

Acknowledgement

As I have mentioned before, I have trigeminal neuralgia (TN). TN is characterized by searing mouth pain usually caused from eroding of the myelin sheath around the trigeminal nerve. The pain has been described as the worst pain known to man or as the suicide disease because it has caused some to end their life rather than deal with it. I don't know if I would describe it that way, but you get the idea. It really hurts. No pain killers touch it whether they be ibuprofen or narcotics. However, in many cases it can be controlled by anti-seizure medications and that is true in my case.

But here's the problem--the side effects of the medicine. For me, even at low doses, the meds make me dizzy and sleepy making it hard to function effectively. So I am in a constant struggle to balance the pain control with the side effects of the medicine. During a recent trip to the doctor, he said that after years of trying with meds, maybe it's time to consider something else. There are several procedures that are used to treat TN including brain surgery. However, most of them only have a success rate of 50-60% and need to repeated every couple of years with sometimes permanent side effects. What to do? About a year ago, I was ready for the brain surgery because it has the highest success rate and the longest lasting results. But then I had a remission. Remission is a hallmark of the condition. It comes and goes for no apparent reason. I've never had long remissions like some have, but I do have them. And during remission, when I have no pain and am taking lower doses of the  meds, I think I am willing to put up with whatever side effects the meds have and take no risks.

But now I am having a flare up and I am once again considering the options available to me. While I'm trying to figure out if I want to change the course of treatment, I am trying to do positive self talk to lift my mood. When you're in pain, it's pretty easy to go to negative, self-pity places.

Which brings me to the point of this post. There are two basic kinds of self talk I do--that things could be worse or things are good in spite of the problem. They each work differently for me.

When I play the things could be worse game, it doesn't seem to help me a lot. For example, I say, "I could have a seizure disorder like my friend who requires high doses of medicine. I could have  mouth cancer like my neighbor with no hope to get better."

While I intellectually am truly thankful that I don't have more serious problems such as these, I still feel pretty negative about mine. I think that is because when I play the "things could be worse game," I'm not acknowledging my own difficulty. My pain is not the worst problem in the world, but my pain is a real and it's a problem for me.

So what I have learned, is that I need to acknowledge my problem and think about the positive things around it. For example, I say my mouth really hurts but I have about three hours in the middle of the day, when I seem to find a reasonable balance between the meds and pain. My mouth really hurts but I am able to go outside and work in the yard which seems to wake me up a little and helps forget  about my pain. My mouth really hurts, but I have an understanding, knowledgeable doctor who I work well with to treat it. My mouth really hurts, but it is not a threat to my life. When I think of things in those contexts, I do a much better job of keeping myself out of my negative world.

This may be another version of positive reinforcement works better than negative reinforcement. A concept that I have known about for a very long time, but just this morning in the shower, figured out how it applies to me in this situation. Another reason why my showers are so long sometimes. That is where I do some of my best thinking. :)

What works best for you when you are trying to pull yourself out of a depressed mood?*

*This is not for clinical, long lasting depression. You can't talk yourself out of that. Clinical depression needs the help of a professional.

Thankful Sunday, June 23, 2019

I am thankful for volunteer plants.

Or another way to say it is, "I am thankful for plants that seeded themselves from last year." When I find an unexpected plant, I tend to leave it alone whether or not it fits into my landscape plan. It seems when nature picks the place for a plant, it grows much better than when left to my hands.
Here are a few of my volunteer plants and for them I am thankful.

Birds are responsible for spreading a lot of seeds including this sunflower from our bird feeder. I'm looking forward to seeing it bloom.

Next to the sunflower are basil plants which I had  planted here last year. I have since thinned these a little and shared the extra plants with friends.

On the other side of the basil is this single parsley plant that I planted last year. Even thought it's not a volunteer, it's remarkable all the same. It has gotten huge. That is a full size watering can for scale. I was going to trim it back to perhaps get more foliage instead of blooms, but we still have parsley in the freezer that we got from this plant last year so I just let it go to see how big it would get.

Moving along to the other side of the parsley is a volunteer yellow cherry tomato plant. We had one here last year that produced very well. This one is already getting large. I'm hoping to soon find the best way to contain it. I had meant to stake it, but that ship has sailed. BTW, I did some weeding in this bed after I took the pictures.

Moving onto another part of the yard to a bed we calling the lightning bed. We call it that because this is where a huge pine tree was until lightning blew it apart one day. Here we have a volunteer marigold surrounded by more basil. Don't know what kind of basil, but this is a milder one than is growing in the other bed.  I had one basil plant in here last year that was an extra from a friend. From that one plant, volunteers are everywhere. Maybe the wind had something to do with it.

There are also a couple of dill plants that came up among the basil. I planted a couple of volunteer dill plants in this bed last year from another part of the yard. We didn't get much dill because some creature enjoyed munching on it..

There is a volunteer tomato plant in the lightning bed, also. Last year, there was one tomato plant in this bed that was an extra someone had. It didn't do much because the deer kept munching on it when it would grow a little bit. This one has been munched on, also, but has recovered.  Another tomato that needs some kind of control. And soon.

More basil in the lightning bed. I have dug up and moved some of it to another flower bed just for the flowers and a treat for the bees.

Today...

Today, I'm going to remember that

 "From a little acorn, the mighty oak grows." 

Sometimes, I get so overwhelmed with big projects I find them hard to start. I need to remember that doing just a little bit will get things going and soon good progress will be made. I'm getting better with this, but I still need a reminder now and then. This little oak tree I found while weeding was just the reminder I needed.

Happy Father's Day

Ward is a great father, so I thought I would interview him this Father's Day to get his perspective on on the important job of parenting.  I didn't time things very well and waited until he was in the middle of a work project to talk to him. Oops! I very kindly thank him for the time he was able to give me during my interruption.

Tell me about being a father. 

Newborn Wally. This is when the doubts began.

It's spending your life not being sure what you are supposed to do. How much do I help my kids? How much do I protect them? How much do I give them? How much do I let them fail to learn? Even now that Wally and Theo are adults, I still worry about those things.

As you mentioned Wally and Theo are young adults now. What do you see when you look at them?
I see responsible, kind people who can hold an intelligent conversation and who know how to handle disappointment. Also, I see good drivers and I am thankful that all of that stressful time of teaching them how to drive seems to have paid off.

Even though you were unsure of what you were doing, you have successfully raised two boys to adulthood. What advice do you have for new dads? 
I'm not sure. I still don't know if I have parenting figured out. But I'll give it a try. Educate yourself, but also use your common sense. Spend time with you kids and let them learn from your examples.

But here's something that Wally said the other day that may be the real key to successful parenting. He said that the best thing we did as parents was to keep trying. We'd try one thing to solve a problem and it wouldn't work. And then we'd try something else and it wouldn't work. We'd try another thing and it wouldn't work either. But finally we'd try something and it would work! He is very grateful the many times we didn't give up when it would have been a lot easier. So for new dads, I'd say, just keep trying.

Thanks. Next time I'll make an appointment and we'll have another conservation about some of the details of raising Wally and Theo.

Cycles

I rose to the patter of rain this morning. A peaceful, calm start to the day. The ground was dry, so I'm sure all of the plants are happy. The gentle rain fits my reflective mood.

My uncle died on Tuesday and he was the last of my father's siblings to pass. That has me thinking a lot about the cycle of life and how it has been repeating itself forever. I saw my uncle just over a month ago when I attended his wife's funeral. He had been sick, but I think losing his partner of 63 years brought him to another place in his life where he was ready to move on to the next stage.

But all is not melancholy.  My sisters and I are traveling across the mountains to West Virginia to attend his services and will be gone for a couple of days. An adventure in the making and I better go finish getting ready. I have the important part done, the snacks. I have several little bags of cookies and some bags of trail mix ready to go. And to pretend that we're eating more than just junk food, Ward cut up some cucumbers for us.

Until next time...

Thankful Sunday, June 9, 2019

This morning, I wrote down things I'm thankful for as they popped into my head. There was no editing and there is no significance to order or importance. Just some things I'm thankful for at this minute.

I am thankful for ...

A quiet morning alone.
Ward is on a backpacking trip this weekend and Theo is at work so I have the house to myself to enjoy a quiet morning (except for the cats that are howling to be fed). I enjoy having others around, but some time all by myself is nice. So for a quiet morning alone, I am thankful.

I am thankful the pansies from last fall are still blooming.

Modern medicine.
I am very lucky to have good health but I do have a couple of things that are bothering me. There was some confusion with the timing of my allergy shots and I'm itching a lot these days, but things will get back on track soon. And even with this bout of itching, it's all much better than before I started the shots. Also, my trigeminal neuralgia is flaring up again. I have medicine that helps with the pain, and even though it makes me sleepy, it makes things bearable. Both of these conditions can be debilitating, but with current medical practices, they can be managed. So for modern medicine, I am thankful.

A Washing machine.
I have a clothes washer that works so I don't have to wash my clothes by hand or go to a laundromat. Hurray! So for the convenience of a washing machine, I am thankful.

I am thankful the cherries are ripe.

A Loving family, both close and far away. My family is normal. It isn't perfect and we don't always agree, but when push comes to shove, we are always there for each other. So for a loving, supportive family, I am thankful.

Leftovers in the fridge.
Friday night, I cooked enough food that I have been eating it all weekend. Cooking is not my thing, so for a fridge full of food, I am thankful.

I am thankful for the color this poppy gives to the mass of ground cover it's in.
Even from inside, we can see the bright red and it makes me smile.

Snuggly Cats.
We have two cats and both like to be with us. Laps and shoulders are their places to relax, purr, and sleep. When I'm tired or stressed, there is nothing like a cat on my lap to relax me. So for snuggly cats, I am thankful.

Friendly neighbors.
We are very lucky, to have friendly neighbors. You don't get to pick your neighbors and they aren't always friendly, but ours are. Some examples. Ward and a neighbor recently worked on a broken fence together.  Also, when my next door neighbor's husband died, neighbors were there to help her figure out how to move forward. Walkers stop and chat and the whole neighborhood has events such a Halloween cookout every year. So for my friendly neighbors, I am thankful.

I am thankful the previous owners planted these coral bells
 that return year after year.

My Library.
Not only is my library my place of employment, it is where we get much of our entertainment. And for free! So for my library and the many things it provides for us, I am thankful.

A Clear Morning.
Rain may be coming this afternoon, but right now, it is a beautiful morning without a cloud in sight. After I finish here, I plan to go out and enjoy it while working in the yard. So for a clear morning without rain, I am thankful.

I am thankful for the birds that visit our feeders.

So for these blessing and the many more that I have, I am thankful.

Thankful Sunday, June 2, 2019

I am thankful for the closeness of family.

When Ward and I finished college, we moved from the Mid Atlantic area to the Gulf Coast where we lived for 15 years. We enjoyed ourselves in New Orleans as young professionals and liked our life in the suburbs of Houston. However, we always missed our families. They were a several-day drive or airplane trip away, and we spent of all our vacation time visiting them.

Yesterday, we had a birthday gathering with Ward's family.
This is the newest member of the family with her grandpa.

 After Wally and Theo came along, we decided it was time to move closer to their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. This was in the days before Facetiming and other such services, and the boys were mixed up about who all of their relatives were.

It was a scary move, because our salaries decreased and our cost of living increased.  But we did it. We moved within driving distance of all of our relatives and within an hour or two of many of them. And we have never regretted it. Our kids got to know their relatives and we have been able to be share weddings, graduations, and birthdays with our families. We have, also, been close when there have been hard times, illness, and deaths. Times when families really need to be together.

 So for the closeness of our families, I am thankful.