Christmas Visit--Part Two

Connections

Have you played the game of  Six Degrees of Separation where everyone can be related to someone else by six or fewer connections? Well, this past week while visiting my mother in her new extended care facility, it took many fewer than six tries to get a connection.  Being in a small town, you would expect some familiarity, but I didn't expect to see so many people that remembered me since I hadn't lived there for over 30 years. Here are some examples of the connections.

--The head nurse was someone I was in band with in high school. Hadn't seen her since then, but hugs were still given all around.

--Two other nurses and the ward clerk worked with my mother when she worked there 20 years ago.

--Next door to my mother was the mother of a friend from high school.

--Every time we were in the dining room, there was another connection from high school. Sometimes it was with me and sometimes with one of my sisters.

--My mother's roommate is the aunt of one of my good friends from high school. Unfortunately, we couldn't coordinate our visits to see each other. However, we had an interesting visit with her sister one day.

A couple tentatively came into the room and said, "You aren't Martha are you." I said no, that was my sister. She said she was Alice and was in school with Martha. We exchanged a couple more pleasantries and then she went on to visit her aunt.

After a few minutes, her husband came up and said that he was Frank, Alice's husband and gave us a big hug and wished us Merry Christmas. Then he said that he wasn't from around there and he was from another town. Well, one thing led to another and that was the town where my parents were born. Turns out that he grew up on a farm near my grandparents, worked 30 years with my uncle, and used to go rabbit hunting with my father. He also knew my mother when she was younger. That whole exchange was very interesting. The connection was supposed to be through his wife, but it turned out that we had more connections to him than anyone around. It was somehow comforting to find someone who knew my father as well as my mother from long ago.

--Another day while talking to another resident, Thelma, we found out that her uncle used to own the house we lived in and she told us a few stories about it. When I got home (my mother's house) later that day, I just happened to come across two utility bills for her uncle from 1946 when he owned the house. I don't ever remember seeing them and no one is quite sure where they came from. The theory is they must have surfaced when some remodeling was done a few years ago. However, it was pretty strange that I should find them in the back of a cabinet just a couple of hours after hearing Thelma's story. We took them to Thelma and she was happy to see this surprise connection to her past.

--Also, a couple of other hospital workers come to see my mother every day on their break. They were present day connections but they had their own set of connections to others just like we did.

While it was very interesting and fun to see all of these people, as an introvert, I found all of this very tiring. But it felt good knowing that there are many eyes keeping watch over my mother.

Unfortunately, out of respect for other's privacy, I can't share any of the pictures I took during my visit.

A Christmas Visit--Part One

Before Christmas my emotions were running deep as I was trying to come terms with the fact that it was time for my mother to move into an extended care facility. I knew that it was the best thing for her, but also grieved as I thought about her leaving the home she had been in for many decades and the one I grew up in.

And then suddenly, a few days before Christmas, there was an opening. That turned up the emotions another notch as I thought about my mother spending Christmas away from home. But you gotta do, what you gotta do. As a result of this, my sister and I spent almost a week with her around Christmas helping her get settled in.

We spent long days in the new place trying to find the right balance between helping my mother and letting her adapt on her own to her new surroundings. During this time, we made friends with the staff. They were a friendly, professional, hard working, and funny group. We were happy that they were caring for our mother. (Interestingly enough, my mother was a nurse who worked on this unit many years ago and some of the current staff actually worked with her then.)

However, we had the best time meeting some of the other residents. I have been in several nursing homes before, but always with short visits to a particular person. Never long enough to get to know others like I did this time. There were a variety of people there, but most of them were in there 80's and 90's. A few of them had lost there ability to communicate in the traditional ways, but always responded well to eye contact and a smile. With others, it took a little time to figure out where their mind was taking them at that time, and yet others were always with you in the here and now. The biggest hindrance in the initial meetings was the hearing loss most of them suffered. However after the first meeting, we usually figured out how to communicate without much difficulty.

Some of them had lots of visitors and some had none, but they all were eager to tell their story--where they grew up, what their jobs had been, and who their family was. After a day or two, the conversations grew more intimate. Thelma told me about how it frustrates her that people think residents in places like this aren't smart. She said that most were quite smart. Bertha told me that she didn't like the holidays and couldn't wait for them to be over. They always made her sad.  Emmogene told me how she was praying for my mother to get better.

The best day was Christmas Eve when Santa came to visit and brought multiple presents to each resident. He also had his picture taken with each person including my sister and me. Everyone was eager to see what was in their packages and we were as eager as they were. Even Bertha, who was sad at Christmas, was having a good time. So like Bertha, the Christmas I was dreading was actually turning out to be okay.

I'm home now and while I'm still trying to grasp this new phase of my mother's life, I feel much better. She seems to be adjusting and I know that she is surrounded by good people. I'm looking forward to the next visit to see my mother and all of the new friends I made.

Unfortunately, out of respect for others, I can't show any of the pictures from my visit.

Holiday update

The cats like the box they got for Christmas. They are taking turns with it.
This was Annie's turn.

It's time for a brief stop in during this holiday season. The days have been going by fast and furious with stories to tell. Even though on the surface, this seems like one of the most difficult Christmases I've had, it also has been one of the most meaningful and fun. More to come on that.

I spent Christmas day and a few others visiting my mother. Ward and the Boys stayed back and spent Christmas with Ward's family. New Year's Day, Ward, Wally, Theo and I will have a Christmas celebration in our immediate family. In between, it looks like an explosion went off in our house trying to keep up with all of the moving parts and not quite succeeding. However, slow and steady wins the race or perseverance pays off or something like that. I know things will eventually settle down.

In the meantime, I hope that all of you have had a calm and meaningful Christmas. And if not, pat yourself on the back for surviving it.

Back soon with more details. For right now, I'm still trying to clean off the couch so we have a place to sit.

Thankful Sunday--December 20, 2015

I am thankful for Christmas fun.

Even though I have been distracted by other things, I've managed to have some fun this Christmas season. And for these fun times, I am thankful.






We have Christmas lights up outside. Nothing fancy, but just enough to put a smile on my face when I come home in the dark (which these days is before 5 PM).











We have our tree up and Wally and Theo were home for the decorating. A win-win situation. These are also lights I enjoy in the evening (and the morning.) We have a lot of dark these days.











Santa visited our street the other night riding on a fire engine. For the past few years, Santa has been too busy to visit this way, so it was a fun surprise to see him again with his firefighter friends. He stopped and talked to all of the kids.












Ward and I went to see the Christmas Carol at the local theater. It was a one man play/reading and it was amazing. After a short while, you forgot that there was only one actor.

And then there were three

Today was the day when we knew it was finally time to let Lucy go. She is in a better place.

Trials

I generally try to be positive on my blog, so it's been hard for me to write a post recently. Below are some ramblings to explain why. Sort of a stream of consciousness.

I am weary. But just not because of the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. Life keeps marching on and it's not giving me much time to rest. My mother had a fall which resulted in some broken bones. This has brought a whole new set of difficult issues about her care. And while that was going on, we found out that a close family member's cancer has returned.  Add the continual intensive care of a declining cat, and as I said, I am weary.

Christmas can be a fun, joyous time, but for many it's a time of mixed emotions. It's often a time that bittersweet memories of the past are the most intense. Whether it's the first or 30th time of celebrating the holidays without a loved one, it's a difficult time. Thoughts of Ward's sister, who passed away in May, are ever present in the family's mind with both sadness and a determination to Ethool (Enjoy The Heck Out Of Life) as she so wonderfully did despite the adversities she was facing.

Okay, I'm really depressing myself. Time to switch gears. Yes, life goes on and there are ups and downs to it. We have to accept what we can't change and celebrate the gifts we are given each day. For example, the weather has been warm, and I finished one of the gifts I was making and got it in the mail. I had a great holiday party at work where I saw a coworker who has been too ill to come to work for a few months. She's getting better. Our tree is decorated and lights are beautiful at night. I have enough money to pay all of my bills, and I saw a cardinal yesterday. The list is endless when I take time to focus on the positive.

I hope if you are weary this holiday season, it's because you stayed up too late wrapping presents and you're worrying about when you're going to have time to bake the cookies for the neighbors. But if you're weary because life is difficult right now, I hope you are able to rest a little so you can remember some of the things that are a blessing.

Thankful Sunday--December 13, 2015

I am thankful for warm weather.

The woods were brown and a little muddy during our hike.

Yesterday, it was in the 60's! In December! And it was wonderful. Ward and I took a hike in the morning and then pretended like it was cold outside and decorated our Christmas tree in the afternoon. Wally and Theo came and we had a big pot of chili with cornbread to complete the illusion of winter. However, it was still warm outside and that got us talking about when we lived in Houston where it was usually warm at Christmastime. This evolved into a fun trip down memory lane of Christmases past.

Christmas comes whether or not it looks like a Christmas card outside and for that I am thankful. But I'm especially thankful that I didn't need a jacket yesterday.

Communication

Paper Christmas Cards--a dying breed

While working on our annual Christmas letter recently, I started to think about how the way we communicate has changed.  The number of people who send Christmas cards and letters is definitely decreasing. Even though I send out the same number every year, I am receiving fewer and fewer. I think part of this is because people just don't snail mail things much any more, and there's no need for an annual catch up because people keep in touch throughout the year with Facebook and other social media venues. And although there's a lot more to be explored in this area, this is not really what has gotten me thinking recently.

I was dropping off my car at the shop and John (the mechanic) was taking down numbers where we could be reached. As I gave several numbers between Ward and me, depending on the time of the day and who was where, John related this information. He said if his customer is younger, what he has to do is call them, let it ring once, and then hang up. They answer texts or will check who called and maybe call them back. However, rarely do they answer a ringing phone. He said when the customer gets along about 35 or 40 or older, he can talk to them directly first try. I was surprised by this. Granted, I am far behind in the smart device/phone world, but I would have never dreamed that this was common operating procedure. I, of course, use caller ID, but I do expect to answer some calls.

I not sure what all of this means in the grand scheme of the way communication is evolving, but I do know one thing for sure. That yes, indeed, I am well over 35 years old. I will answer a call from my mechanic.

A Second Look--December 9, 2015

Frost now greets me every morning, but no snow yet. Yeah! There will be plenty of time for that in January and February. The landscape is filled with mostly browns and grays with occasional splashes of color from the pansies that are still blooming. That's one reason I like them so much. Here it is December with frequent frosts and they're still blooming.

The squirrels are very active with a lot of scampering about often with a walnut in their mouth. I saw a squirrel burying a nut one day, but when I checked later it was gone. I'm not sure if he decided that wasn't a good spot or someone watching in the wings had a good snack.

Mushrooms and other kinds of fungus popping up here and there. That probably has something to do with the abundant rain we've been having recently.

Here are a few things I saw this week 

during a Second Look.

Wellness Challenges

Last week, I described a wellness program I am participating in at work and how it is motivating me. As part of the program, we can challenge our friends to do something that will contribute to overall well being. Sometimes the challenge lasts a month and sometimes only a week. They don't always last long enough to establish a habit, but they do keep things interesting and bring certain behaviors (or lack thereof) to the forefront. Here are the present challenges, I'm working on if you want to play along.

Smile at least once a day. Extra points if you make someone laugh.
This one is pretty easy, because I hope most of us smile at least once a day. However, I can't mark this one off yet this morning because mornings for me are just not a smile time. I'll smile extra after I get awake.

Use reusable shopping bags.
This one is pretty much a habit for me, but being in the challenge got me to go back out in the cold to the car one day where we had forgotten the bags. Seeing as how I don't like cold, I'm not sure I would have done that without the challenge.

Do ten minutes of stretching and strengthening exercises a day. 
This challenge was from me because I have gotten very lax in this area. Even though, it's only for ten minutes, I'm still having a problem doing this. I need to work this into part of my routine and just not when I remember to do them.

Pay someone a genuine compliment every day.
Fortunately, this is one I don't have to work on.

Stay away from the candy jar at work.
So far, so good. But it's hard because it sits on my desk. I'm the one who originated the candy jar--mostly to have a peppermint for a dry throat or a little sugar pick me up until I could eat. Overtime, everyone has become part of it and as of late, has been bringing in good candy--meaning chocolate. One more day to go on this one and I think I can do it.

For dinner (supper), don't go out or bring in take out.
As you can guess, this is a difficult one for me because we are not a family who likes to spend time in the kitchen.  But I've been working hard on it and we are doing well so far. As everyone knows, the key to this is planning. And except for fresh salad fixings, our meals have all come from ingredients in the freezer, so I do plan sometimes. It's the follow through that's the problem.


Challenges are coming and going all of the time, and I'm going to update them for you time to time if you want to play along.

Thankful Sunday--December 6, 2015

I am thankful for a strong husband 

(with good tools).

Last week, a delivery truck backed into our mailbox and knocked it over. However, Ward was able to dig a new hole with his handy post hole diggers and get our mailbox upright and secure again. I would have been able to do this, but let's just say that I lack upper body strength. So a job that might have taken me most of the day, my husband did lickety-split. And for that, I am thankful.

A Second Look--December 2, 2015

We are into early winter weather with many cold, rainy days, and I have not been encouraged to do a lot of looking around the yard. It's also deer season which has limited my exploration in the woods. Nevertheless, the view from the window has been good. The bird activity has picked up  as well as the deer activity in the upper yard.

Here are a few things I saw this week (and last) during a Second Look.

We recently had a full moon which was bright enough to wake me up at night.

We don't see many bucks in the deer herds that come into our yard, but there was one this day.

Downy woodpecker

I've been seeing some bluebirds over the last couple of weeks. Some of them migrate south and some stay for the winter which I guess these are doing.

This pair of bluebirds have been going in and out of the birdhouse almost like it is spring and they're building a nest. However, they are probably just establishing a roosting place for the winter.

House finch and goldfinch. They are blending pretty well into their background.

The leaves are pretty much down from the trees now except for the oaks which won't lose all of this years leaves until the new spring growth pushes them off.

Thankful Sunday--November 29, 2015

I am thankful for new motivation.

I've never been a regular exerciser. While I am active and have done various exercise programs from time to time, I've never experienced the "exercise high" that comes from the feel-good chemicals that are released with exercise. I've always stopped before I reached that point.

However, now I am motivated and am having more success than I've had in a long time. My employer has joined a growing trend and has subscribed to a program that gives rewards for exercise and other good health habits. Points are rewarded for walking along with other challenges.

Since I joined a couple of months ago, I've been making sure that I eat my veggies and have two fruits a day. I'm getting adequate sleep, drinking more water, and recording things that I am thankful for (on more days than just Sunday). I'm taking time to read and I am using reusable shopping bags. Also, I'm doing strengthening exercises and having my blood pressure taken. I have gone walking in the cold rain, with a migraine, and in the dark just to get enough steps in to get the points I need. I have chosen only veggies at a BBQ restaurant to get my requirements in for the day and have gone to the store to get extra fruit to keep up with a challenge.

Wow. That's an impressive list, if I do say so myself. Especially for me. So what's my motivation? Well, besides the obvious one of it's good for me (which has never been particularly motivating in the past), I'm earning money. So far, I'm up to $50 and if I work really hard, I may earn some more before the program restarts at the first of the year.

And perhaps even more importantly, I am surrounded by people who are doing the same thing. The program is one of the hot topics at work and we are both encouraging and competing with each other. (I didn't realize how competitive I am until I started this.)

So for this program and the motivation it is giving me to take better care of myself, I am thankful.

Thankful Sunday--November 22, 2015

I am thankful for a new roof.

A few weeks ago, we noticed a water stain on one of our ceilings which led us to the conclusion that we needed a new roof. Friday, it was installed. And for new roofs and dry ceilings, I am thankful.

A Second Look--November 17, 2015

While a few trees are hanging onto some of their leaves, most are bare now. A couple days of rain and strong winds bought most of the remaining ones down this week. The squirrels are scampering about usually with a nut in their mouths and the deer are spending more time in the upper part of the yard. Sometimes I see a herd of them taking a nap in the sun.

A few fall  flowers are continuing to bloom and a handful of things have sprouted new growth like its spring. It's fun to see a spot of vibrant green here and there among the brown leaves. While morning frosts are common now, no snow yet.

Here are a few things I saw this week 

during a Second Look.

Pansies

Maple tree

Blanket Flower

Bishop's Weed (or Snow on the Mountain)

Mums

Wild asparagus 

White tailed deer

Japanese Maple

Computer Time

I try to limit how much time I spend on the computer every day. There are no official rules, I just know when it's been too much. And recently, I've reached too much before I've had time to post here.

Lucy as a kitten. (Not related to anything in the post. Just like the pic.)

So what have I been doing? First, there's my regular routine of checking my email and dealing with whatever business comes up. This may be something with my mother, a bill, or other family concerns. I've also been working on a couple of newsletters that have been plaguing me. Paragraphs have been written and erased, written and erased, written and erased. Finally, they were written and declared done because I ran out of time. Throw in a little blog reading and Facebook checking and it adds up to too much time on the computer--that indeterminate amount of time that just feels like too much. But now that the newsletters are done, I have a little more time open for other pursuits like my blog.

But a little more time is the key word and I've run out of it for the day. It's time for me to move on so I can fix supper. Yes, that's right. I said fix supper which is going to involve cooking. On the menu is leftover homemade chicken pot pie from last night, a green salad with lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes, and pears along with roasted cauliflower. And for dessert--brownies.

So see you next time. Do you ever feel like you spend too much time on the computer?

Veteran's Day

Today, in the United States, is the day we honor veterans and the sacrifices they have made for us. I will be forever grateful for the time and service those in the military have given to let me have the good life I have today.

There are many organizations that provide support to veterans and one category in particular is service dogs. The local organization that trains service dogs for veterans brings them to the library, where I work, as part of their training. It is fun to watch how eager the dogs are to learn and how they progress in their training. Below is a previous post I did a about these dogs so you can learn a little more about them.

Hero Dogs

or Service Dogs for Veterans 

Recently, I attended a program about service dogs for injured or disabled veterans.  While we learned about the overall program, my attention was focused mainly on York, an older puppy in training who was there with his handler.  To demonstrate some of the things a service dog might do, he retrieved hidden keys, opened doors, pushed buttons, pulled a chair, and all the while was very happy to be doing them. That's what so great about dogs. They are eager to please. (Not so with our cats. They have a way of making YOU eager to please them.) Another one of the important things the dogs are trained to do is help if a veteran is getting agitated with an impending panic attack or similar problem from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The dogs also learn how to take their owners through narrow spaces which can also be a problem with PTSD. It's amazing what a service dog can do and the difference it can make in someone's life.

As you can imagine, the show was fun to watch. A couple of times, York got to be off duty and let all of us pet him. (Service dogs are not to be petted or played with while they are on duty.) A special treat for him as well as us. However, during the Q&A session, he got a little restless and started to talk to his trainer with a bark then and again and a pull on his lead. He was just like a child who was trying to get his mother's attention when she had been talking too long. The trainer said that that is one reason that York is not ready to be placed yet. He's still a bit too young and impatient to be a good service dog at this point.

There are many service dog organizations out there that could use your help. First of all, they need money--it takes approximately $30,000 to raise and train the dog until it is ready for placement.This organization provides the dog at no cost to the veteran. However, there are many other ways to help. They also have need for puppy raisers, trainers, and people to play with the dogs. They could also use donations of materials such as paper towels, wipes, and old towels. If you are interested in helping, you can google service dog and your location to find out what organizations are available close to you.

Want to Read More:

--Ever wonder what the difference is between a service dog and a therapy dog? Here's a good explanation.  

--There are several prison programs where the inmates raise puppies that will become service dogs. They are quite successful in changing the prisoner's behavior in positive way. Here's a story about one of them.

Thankful Sunday--November 8, 2015

I am thankful that Lucy is still with us.

Lucy sleeping in a basket of dirty clothes--just like she used to.

As you know, we have a sick cat, Lucy. After much trial and error, we have settled into a complicated routine of caring for her. And it seems to be helping. She is holding her own and even exhibits some of her old self from time to time. For this extra time with her, I am thankful.

Live and Learn--Don't assume

I was thinking about the title of my blog last night and how we learn throughout our entire lives. I thought I'd start sharing some of the things I've learned through living. I think you'll find most of these lessons are not unique to me, but things we all figure out one way or another.

The first: "Don't assume you know what others are thinking."

We observe others and from their actions, we assume we know what they're thinking. The problem is that we bring our perspective to the situation which can be different from that of the other person. Sometimes, this leads us to the wrong conclusion. This happens even in what seems to be the most obvious of situations (especially with kids).

An applesauce-lovin' Wally
(with wild hair)

Here's an example:

When Wally was a toddler, he loved yogurt and applesauce mixed together. We'd give him a bowl and he would quickly gobble it down. I was happy that he enjoyed this healthful snack. A recent conversation with an adult Wally, however, revealed that all was not as it seemed. It turns out that Wally liked applesauce but not yogurt so much. He kept eating because he was trying to see where the applesauce went. He said he was always disappointed because he never found it.

Wow. That was a surprise. I had never thought about the concept of mixing and when kids learn that. I just thought he liked applesauce mixed with yogurt. I was wrong.

This example helps me think twice before I judge what others say and do. When someone says or does something that I don't understand, I try to remember that maybe there's something going on that I don't know.

Have you ever been surprised when you learned the background behind what someone has said or done?

A Second Look--November 4, 2015

Fall marches on. The trees continue to shed leaves with some bare after heavy rains last week and some have leaves that have just started to turn. The mums and pansies are surviving the occasional morning frost to add extra colors to the fall leaf palate.

The squirrels are busy and are seen more often now with a nut in their mouth as they scamper along. Also, I have seen the first junco which is one of the birds that comes to winter in this area.

Here are a few things I saw this week 

during a Second Look,

A Visit and a Walk

I guess we're really Boring with no heads.

Yesterday, we all converged on Wally's apartment for a visit. He lives about halfway between Theo and us, so it was a good meeting place for all. We had a pleasant visit and it was during lunch that Theo said something interesting. We were chatting about this and that when he said, "I just realized how boring we are as a family. We've just talked about tax laws, zinc, and computer security." He had a point. Those were't usually topics that most (any) people found interesting, but we were perfectly happy discussing them. Let me introduce us--We're the Borings. :)

After lunch, we moved onto the main goal of the afternoon--taking a family picture for the Christmas letter. We didn't have anyone to take it so we used the timer on the camera while it was sitting on top of the car. A method that worked pretty well. While we were doing this, something occurred to me. It would be awfully hard to set a phone camera up to take a picture like this. They really don't have a base to stand on their own. Maybe that's one small reason for the vast world of Selfies. Someone has to be holding the camera to take a picture. Actually, I think there's a lot more involved with Selfies, but that's a discussion for another time.

Then it was time for us to part ways. The brothers wanted some "bonding time"as they call it or as it can also be called--time for playing video games. Ward and I left in search of a place to take a hike.

We stopped at a place we had driven by many times on the way to Wally's place-- Soldier's Delight which had a nature center (closed) and hiking trails. Never really figured out why it's called Soldier's Delight but it may have something to do with the King's soldiers naming it that. Hopefully, the nature center will be open next time we stop and we will get a better answer to this interesting name.

Here are a few pictures from our walk.

This area was made into a National Environment Area trying to preserve some of the rare plants that grow here. Also, as you can read, this used to be an area of chromium mining.

A Haunted Hike was scheduled for that evening and these "spooky eyes" were set up along the trail.  This one is housed on greenbrier vines. As you can see, they are no more that eyes cut out of a cardboard tube with a glow stick inside.

Mushroom that had just pushed its way up through the forest litter.

A shaft opening into one of the old chromium mines.

Blackjack Oak

Oaks are the primary tree there, so the changing leaves had more oranges than reds and yellows. From this point you could see a lot of far away places on a clear day. It was not a clear day.