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| The cats are happy living in the moment. |
Then why do I feel melancholy? After reflection, I think it is because the holidays remind me of what will be no more. It reminds me of those who came before me who now only exist in my memories. Generally, as I reflect each year on where our decorations came from, I am happy as I remember the stories behind them. But this year, it was different. It seemed like I was living too much in the past and it was time for something new. It's a fine line to walk between memories, tradition, and today. As I try to sort this out, I think about a quote I read once, "It's okay to look into the past and the future, but just don't stare."
So what am I going to do about this? Nothing except pay attention to today because, "The present is the present."
Until next time...
Last year was a just get through the holidays year. This year I am finding I think about Mom more often and am missing the thoughts of the big brunch I used to make for all the family, because it will be no more. A lot of things that used to be normal for our holidays will never happen again so I guess we will have to establish a new normal. I am just not sure I am ready to.
ReplyDeleteThis is another area where we have to come up with a "new normal". I've never been one who deals well with change, but usually find it's a good thing in the end.
DeleteMy SIL asked me recently how I am dealing with the upcoming holidays now that mom is gone. Last year was a transitional year for us, as she didn't spend Christmas day with us for the first time in several years (due to being in an assisted living facility prior to covid vaccinations having been administered) so I think that, in a strange way, not having her here last year may have been helpful for me this year. I think I mostly feel sort of numb this year--since covid, I find myself keeping my expectations extremely low. We hopefully will be able to go to Illinois to see my husband's family next week, and then to Christmas eve services with my siblings (and for a light meal afterwards) but honestly, I'm not letting myself get too excited about any of it in case it doesn't work out. Covid numbers are continuing to be crazy high in Michigan. We have also had problems in our school district with threats of violence and school was closed for 2 days while that was being investigated. I feel like if we can get through the holidays with our health and safety intact, it will be a win.
ReplyDeleteI think your last sentence says it all, " I feel like if we can get through the holidays with our health and safety intact, it will be a win."
DeleteI don't have any holiday plans this year. Cats do seem to live life today and not in the past. I hope your plans are enjoyable for you and all those you encounter. I sure enjoy the bright lights of Christmas.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Strayer. I like Christmas lights, too. Last year with all holiday events canceled, we drove around looking at Christmas lights while listening to Christmas music. It was really nice.
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