Happy Father's Day
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| My favorite picture of my parents with my oldest sister. |
I think about my father every day, but on this Father's Day, I've been thinking, in particular, about the things he taught me. In no special order, here are a few.
1.
Life isn't fair, but that shouldn't stop you from succeeding. My father was the oldest boy in his farm family. That meant that farm work was more important for him to do than attending school. As a result, he often missed school and eventually dropped out of high school because of it. It wasn't fair because other kids (and siblings) got to go to school regularly. But he didn't dwell on that. He learned to work hard and be highly successful at anything he attempted. While I don't have quite the same amount of grit as my father did, I do try to move ahead when life throws me a curve without spending too much time in "Woe's me land." (By the way, he got his GED in the Army and aced every single test he took there in his engineering and bridge building courses.)
2.
It's okay to not be the life of the party. My father didn't like crowds, so he didn't attend many things where there were more than a few people gathered. But he had many friends because one on one, he was a talkative, interesting person. I am much like my father in that I am more comfortable one on one with someone instead of in a group. So even in a society that values gregariousness over quietness, I learned that it is okay to be one of the quiet ones.
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My father talking to his two younger brothers on
the farm where they grew up. Notice his uniform. :) |
3.
Comfort and function win out over fashion every time. My father had a uniform so to speak. You would usually find him donned in a gray work shirt and Lee jeans with army socks. The clothes were comfortable and fit his outdoor lifestyle. When I was younger, I didn't quite understand the lack of variety in my father's clothes. But now, I see the wisdom in his choices from saving time while shopping to feeling good in what you're wearing. Perhaps because I'm female, I have varied things a bit more than my father did. I buy my shirts in several different colors instead of sticking with just one. :)
4.
Where there's a will, there's a way. While we had all of our basic needs met while we were growing up, there was not much extra money. But that didn't mean that we missed out on a lot. For example, we had season passes to the swimming pool because my father did work for the pool for free. Also, he was a great barterer as well as retrieving things others had cast away. His favorite was what he would find floating in the river while he was fishing. We got all of our lawn chairs this way. He showed me that when the easy ways of doing things are not available, it doesn't mean that you can't figure out another way to do it.
5.
It's okay to treat yourself. My father worked very hard. He was a lineman and spent long days, often in bad weather, doing very strenuous and dangerous work. But every single night he a had a bowl of vanilla ice cream. A simple but satisfying treat at the end of a long day. I try to remember when I get busy that it's okay to stop and enjoy a small treat. We all need a break and something special from time to time.
6.
Freckles are fun, but wear your sunscreen. My father had red hair, fair skin, and plenty of freckles. My sisters and I all took after him in that way. Most of his life was spent outdoors without the benefit of sunscreen and he paid for it in his later years with many skin cancers. By example, he showed us that sunscreen and regular checkups with the dermatologist are very important.
7.
You can break the cycle. My grandfather was not the best father to my father. Grandpa handled the difficulties in his life with alcohol and did not always provide a kind or stable environment for his kids-especially the older ones. Instead of practicing what he knew, my father was a different kind of father to us. We grew up in an incredibly stable environment and never had to worry about any of our basic needs being met. Along with my mother, he also encouraged education as an important part of our future. He showed me that you can overcome whatever difficulties have happened in the past. Not that it is ever easy, but it can be done.
8.
If you have, give. The classic example of this is the large amount of vegetables my father gave away every year. Even in the years when we canned and froze hundreds of quarts of things, there were always extras for others. In the empty nest years, my father continued to raise huge gardens that supplied many people with fresh vegetables. But it didn't stop there. A tool, a fishing pole, a knife, if my father thought you might like something, he would give it to you. Or at the very least, make a very good trade so it would be easier to accept. His generous spirit showed me that it's easy to make the day of someone else.
9.
Connections to nature are vital. My father grew up outdoors on a farm, and later both his job and leisure time were spent outdoors. It was where he was most comfortable and came alive. Even when he was winding down his life, he kept his connection to the outdoors through the window of his nursing home from his wheelchair. While I don't spend all of my time outdoors, I have learned that the connections to nature are important for my mental health just like my father.
10.
We all have differing abilities. While my father had great spatial awareness, I do not. At all. While my father was an expert marksman whether with a rubber band, gun, or bow and arrow, I am not. While my father never got motion sickness, I always do. While my father could ably whistle any tune, I cannot. But you know what, he never said that I should be able to do all of those things or anything in particular. He just expected me to do the best I could with the talents I had. And that's a freeing thought.
I think most of us could talk for days about the things we learned from our father in one way or another. And I am one of them. But 10 seems like a nice round number, so I'll stop here for today.
Note: Of course, many of these lessons overlapped with what I learned from my mother. But since it's Father's Day, I focus on his part for today.
