Tuesday, April 18, 2017

A Trip Across the Mountains

We took a long drive across the Allegheny Mountains to visit my mother for Easter. We got back last night and, as usual, my emotions are a jumble. Some of them are:

I am thinking about how happy I was that my whole family got to spend Easter together and that my sons got to see their grandmother on this trip.

I am reflecting on who I was when I left my hometown decades ago and who I am now after I visited with a classmate I haven't seen since high school. He and his wife put on a concert at the nursing home one evening.  He hasn't changed and he said that I haven't changed except I have a shorter haircut. That must be why I had to tell him who I was. :)

I am thinking about how my town has changed. Because of hard times and high unemployment, much of the area around my childhood house is pretty run down. I keep telling my kids that it wasn't like that when I was growing up there. It was still a modest area, but had well kept houses.

I am grieving for the mother I once knew. As time goes on, it is getting harder and harder for her to communicate.

I am smiling as I think about how the other residents faces lit up with just a smile or a wave from me.

I am thanking God about the good care all are getting at the nursing home where my mother is.

I am singing old time gospel songs in my head. There were three concert/sing-alongs I attended with my mother during this visit. While the singing was fun, the focus on the after life has my thoughts landing on this topic often. Especially since I just spent the last several days around people who are near the end of their life.

I am thinking about where I am in my life and where my mother was in her life at the same age.

I am remembering all of the beautiful scenery we saw on our drive. The woods are full now of blooming redbud and dogwood trees reaffirming the circle of life and new beginnings.

And amongst all of these meaning-of-life thoughts, I am thinking I should get some laundry started and more things unpacked before I head off to work.

Yes, my thoughts are all a jumble as they always are after these visits. And that's a good thing. Even if it's uncomfortable, we all need to spend time then and again thinking about how we are living our life.

Here are a few pictures from our trip across the mountains. (Two qualifiers. It's hard to capture just how beautiful the scenery was from a moving car and I'm not showing many faces to protect everyone's privacy. I wish I could because the faces really tell the story.)

There was abundant redbud along most of the trip. It was only when we were in the higher elevations that we didn't see any. 


Along with the redbud, wild mustard was lining the roadside.


My classmate setting up for his concert. He is somewhat of a local celebrity and has several CD's. The residents love him and they know most of his songs. 


They have a nice walking path next to the nursing home.
We took my mother out several times a day for a walk on this. Here's Theo with her now.


The Easter Bunny was quite good to my mother.


Vegetables no longer grow in these barrels at my parents house, but I found them with some very pretty violets.


We usually stop on the drive back and take a short hike to this scenic overlook.

We were welcomed home by dogwoods that bloomed while we were gone. 


14 comments:

  1. All those flowering trees are gorgeous! I'm glad you got time to spend with your mom and reconnect with a former classmate.

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    1. Redbuds are a favorite of mine as the make the hillsides come alive every spring. I was very happy to reconnect with my classmate. He was really nice when we were in school and still is today.

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  2. Dealing with aging parents is difficult on so many levels. I hate watching Mom's decline, especially since she knows it is happening and is powerless to do anything but watch.

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    1. Dealing with aging parents' decline is always hard.I learned from my father how to connect on a different level when talking gets hard. However, this is a new phase with my mother, and every time we shift into a new phase, it's hard.

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  3. I, too, am glad you got to spend Easter with your mom, other family, and friends. It is definitely hard to watch our parents age and decline in health. I, too, used to long for the mother I once knew; she disappeared long before my mother actually passed away. So many times I wish I had known then, what I've since learned. Cherish the times you have with her, even if they are difficult. The scenery and flowering trees are lovely! Looks like spring has arrived!

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    1. Things are always easier in hindsight because we learn so much through experience. We do the best we can at the time.

      Spring has definitely arrived. Not only is everything blooming, the trees are leafing out and everything is turning green.

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  4. I definitely connect with you on communicating with a parent as their health/cognition declines. So difficult. And yet, my kids and I were talking recently about taking Grandpa (my dad) an Easter basket and how much he enjoyed the toys and puzzle that we included. It was hard, but I'm glad we got to love on him as he approached the end of his life. I am trying to take that mindset with me as I help my mom out here now--while she is still able to live independently, she isn't at the level she was even 2 years ago.

    I also find myself focusing more on the end of this life, the life to come, and how I am living right now. It can be easy to shy away from those thoughts, but I think it helps me make better decisions and, to borrow a quote, be a "kinder, gentler" person.

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    1. My mother enjoyed her Easter basket, also. She and Ward had a game going about eating candy behind my back as I fussed about them eating too much.

      We went through all of this with my father and hoped that it wouldn't progress with my mother. But that's not reality. Part of the problem is that I don't see her as often as I'd like or for very long. Therefore, my visit may coincide with good days for her or not. When I hit a stretch of just "bad" days during my visit, it makes it especially hard. That's what happened this time. Although as I look back at the pictures, it doesn't seem so bad. I need to go to the positive and just accept the difficulties.

      I need to do a lot of reflection and positive self talk. Coming soon.

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    2. It's hard watching the decline whether a parent is having a bad day or not, or at least it was for me. My father became someone I didn't recognize much of the time, which made his more cognizant moments even more precious. But you're right, when you don't see them regularly, the snapshot in time that you do have seems, I don't know, more intense?

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    3. It is intense because you don't see the daily ups and downs and the gradual change. It seems more dramatic and you have more to adjust things at once. However, none of it is easy whether you deal with it every day or once a month. You just have to be thankful for the time together.

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  5. June, your thoughts here mirror mine very much. Luckily, my mom is in better shape, but I know how it goes based my MIL's experiences. It sure can make for many poorly-slept nights. I also have similar thoughts/experiences with my hometown area, and it's the same for my wife's hometown on the opposite side of our home state (which I came to have great appreciation for). I thought about writing more here, but, really, you know what I am talking about. Anyway, I am always humbled by the good thoughts, wishes and everlasting friendship of the folks "back home." Great photos, as always.

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    1. I sense that you know exactly about the small hometown experience. There is a connection that never goes away. Since my mother has been in the nursing home, I've had more meetings with people from my childhood than ever before. Sometimes we haven't seen each other in decades, but its like old home week with genuine, "Glad to see you!"

      As far as poorly-slept nights, I've had a lot of those. But this last year since my mother moved from her house, it's been better. Where she is now, she is safe and getting good care. We had round the clock care before which had a lot of problems of its own. I also think she's happier now than she was at home the last year or two. She doesn't have to worry about who's going to help her. Staffing always seemed to be a problem when she was at home.

      I could write a lot more, but as you said, you know what I'm talking about.

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  6. Its nice your family saw your mother over easter. I am alone almost all the time and when I hear such things, I get this yearning, this longing. I think about dying and what I did in my life. The thing is, when I look at the stars at night, I know how insignificant we all are in the vastness of space and time. This helps me understand I don't have to be anybody or do anything more than live how I can in the brief burst that is my life. Somehow that came out depressing when I didn't mean it that way.

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    1. It does sound kind of sad, but I know what you mean. My son has thoughts very similar to yours about his place in the vastness of the universe and his purpose on earth, dying, etc. He first told me about them when he was 6. I was a little concerned when he was having such deep thoughts at such a young age, but it is just who he is. I bet you two could have an interesting conversation.

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What do you think?