Christmas Visit--Part Two

Connections

Have you played the game of  Six Degrees of Separation where everyone can be related to someone else by six or fewer connections? Well, this past week while visiting my mother in her new extended care facility, it took many fewer than six tries to get a connection.  Being in a small town, you would expect some familiarity, but I didn't expect to see so many people that remembered me since I hadn't lived there for over 30 years. Here are some examples of the connections.

--The head nurse was someone I was in band with in high school. Hadn't seen her since then, but hugs were still given all around.

--Two other nurses and the ward clerk worked with my mother when she worked there 20 years ago.

--Next door to my mother was the mother of a friend from high school.

--Every time we were in the dining room, there was another connection from high school. Sometimes it was with me and sometimes with one of my sisters.

--My mother's roommate is the aunt of one of my good friends from high school. Unfortunately, we couldn't coordinate our visits to see each other. However, we had an interesting visit with her sister one day.

A couple tentatively came into the room and said, "You aren't Martha are you." I said no, that was my sister. She said she was Alice and was in school with Martha. We exchanged a couple more pleasantries and then she went on to visit her aunt.

After a few minutes, her husband came up and said that he was Frank, Alice's husband and gave us a big hug and wished us Merry Christmas. Then he said that he wasn't from around there and he was from another town. Well, one thing led to another and that was the town where my parents were born. Turns out that he grew up on a farm near my grandparents, worked 30 years with my uncle, and used to go rabbit hunting with my father. He also knew my mother when she was younger. That whole exchange was very interesting. The connection was supposed to be through his wife, but it turned out that we had more connections to him than anyone around. It was somehow comforting to find someone who knew my father as well as my mother from long ago.

--Another day while talking to another resident, Thelma, we found out that her uncle used to own the house we lived in and she told us a few stories about it. When I got home (my mother's house) later that day, I just happened to come across two utility bills for her uncle from 1946 when he owned the house. I don't ever remember seeing them and no one is quite sure where they came from. The theory is they must have surfaced when some remodeling was done a few years ago. However, it was pretty strange that I should find them in the back of a cabinet just a couple of hours after hearing Thelma's story. We took them to Thelma and she was happy to see this surprise connection to her past.

--Also, a couple of other hospital workers come to see my mother every day on their break. They were present day connections but they had their own set of connections to others just like we did.

While it was very interesting and fun to see all of these people, as an introvert, I found all of this very tiring. But it felt good knowing that there are many eyes keeping watch over my mother.

Unfortunately, out of respect for other's privacy, I can't share any of the pictures I took during my visit.

A Christmas Visit--Part One

Before Christmas my emotions were running deep as I was trying to come terms with the fact that it was time for my mother to move into an extended care facility. I knew that it was the best thing for her, but also grieved as I thought about her leaving the home she had been in for many decades and the one I grew up in.

And then suddenly, a few days before Christmas, there was an opening. That turned up the emotions another notch as I thought about my mother spending Christmas away from home. But you gotta do, what you gotta do. As a result of this, my sister and I spent almost a week with her around Christmas helping her get settled in.

We spent long days in the new place trying to find the right balance between helping my mother and letting her adapt on her own to her new surroundings. During this time, we made friends with the staff. They were a friendly, professional, hard working, and funny group. We were happy that they were caring for our mother. (Interestingly enough, my mother was a nurse who worked on this unit many years ago and some of the current staff actually worked with her then.)

However, we had the best time meeting some of the other residents. I have been in several nursing homes before, but always with short visits to a particular person. Never long enough to get to know others like I did this time. There were a variety of people there, but most of them were in there 80's and 90's. A few of them had lost there ability to communicate in the traditional ways, but always responded well to eye contact and a smile. With others, it took a little time to figure out where their mind was taking them at that time, and yet others were always with you in the here and now. The biggest hindrance in the initial meetings was the hearing loss most of them suffered. However after the first meeting, we usually figured out how to communicate without much difficulty.

Some of them had lots of visitors and some had none, but they all were eager to tell their story--where they grew up, what their jobs had been, and who their family was. After a day or two, the conversations grew more intimate. Thelma told me about how it frustrates her that people think residents in places like this aren't smart. She said that most were quite smart. Bertha told me that she didn't like the holidays and couldn't wait for them to be over. They always made her sad.  Emmogene told me how she was praying for my mother to get better.

The best day was Christmas Eve when Santa came to visit and brought multiple presents to each resident. He also had his picture taken with each person including my sister and me. Everyone was eager to see what was in their packages and we were as eager as they were. Even Bertha, who was sad at Christmas, was having a good time. So like Bertha, the Christmas I was dreading was actually turning out to be okay.

I'm home now and while I'm still trying to grasp this new phase of my mother's life, I feel much better. She seems to be adjusting and I know that she is surrounded by good people. I'm looking forward to the next visit to see my mother and all of the new friends I made.

Unfortunately, out of respect for others, I can't show any of the pictures from my visit.

Holiday update

The cats like the box they got for Christmas. They are taking turns with it.
This was Annie's turn.

It's time for a brief stop in during this holiday season. The days have been going by fast and furious with stories to tell. Even though on the surface, this seems like one of the most difficult Christmases I've had, it also has been one of the most meaningful and fun. More to come on that.

I spent Christmas day and a few others visiting my mother. Ward and the Boys stayed back and spent Christmas with Ward's family. New Year's Day, Ward, Wally, Theo and I will have a Christmas celebration in our immediate family. In between, it looks like an explosion went off in our house trying to keep up with all of the moving parts and not quite succeeding. However, slow and steady wins the race or perseverance pays off or something like that. I know things will eventually settle down.

In the meantime, I hope that all of you have had a calm and meaningful Christmas. And if not, pat yourself on the back for surviving it.

Back soon with more details. For right now, I'm still trying to clean off the couch so we have a place to sit.

Thankful Sunday--December 20, 2015

I am thankful for Christmas fun.

Even though I have been distracted by other things, I've managed to have some fun this Christmas season. And for these fun times, I am thankful.






We have Christmas lights up outside. Nothing fancy, but just enough to put a smile on my face when I come home in the dark (which these days is before 5 PM).











We have our tree up and Wally and Theo were home for the decorating. A win-win situation. These are also lights I enjoy in the evening (and the morning.) We have a lot of dark these days.











Santa visited our street the other night riding on a fire engine. For the past few years, Santa has been too busy to visit this way, so it was a fun surprise to see him again with his firefighter friends. He stopped and talked to all of the kids.












Ward and I went to see the Christmas Carol at the local theater. It was a one man play/reading and it was amazing. After a short while, you forgot that there was only one actor.

And then there were three

Today was the day when we knew it was finally time to let Lucy go. She is in a better place.

Trials

I generally try to be positive on my blog, so it's been hard for me to write a post recently. Below are some ramblings to explain why. Sort of a stream of consciousness.

I am weary. But just not because of the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. Life keeps marching on and it's not giving me much time to rest. My mother had a fall which resulted in some broken bones. This has brought a whole new set of difficult issues about her care. And while that was going on, we found out that a close family member's cancer has returned.  Add the continual intensive care of a declining cat, and as I said, I am weary.

Christmas can be a fun, joyous time, but for many it's a time of mixed emotions. It's often a time that bittersweet memories of the past are the most intense. Whether it's the first or 30th time of celebrating the holidays without a loved one, it's a difficult time. Thoughts of Ward's sister, who passed away in May, are ever present in the family's mind with both sadness and a determination to Ethool (Enjoy The Heck Out Of Life) as she so wonderfully did despite the adversities she was facing.

Okay, I'm really depressing myself. Time to switch gears. Yes, life goes on and there are ups and downs to it. We have to accept what we can't change and celebrate the gifts we are given each day. For example, the weather has been warm, and I finished one of the gifts I was making and got it in the mail. I had a great holiday party at work where I saw a coworker who has been too ill to come to work for a few months. She's getting better. Our tree is decorated and lights are beautiful at night. I have enough money to pay all of my bills, and I saw a cardinal yesterday. The list is endless when I take time to focus on the positive.

I hope if you are weary this holiday season, it's because you stayed up too late wrapping presents and you're worrying about when you're going to have time to bake the cookies for the neighbors. But if you're weary because life is difficult right now, I hope you are able to rest a little so you can remember some of the things that are a blessing.

Thankful Sunday--December 13, 2015

I am thankful for warm weather.

The woods were brown and a little muddy during our hike.

Yesterday, it was in the 60's! In December! And it was wonderful. Ward and I took a hike in the morning and then pretended like it was cold outside and decorated our Christmas tree in the afternoon. Wally and Theo came and we had a big pot of chili with cornbread to complete the illusion of winter. However, it was still warm outside and that got us talking about when we lived in Houston where it was usually warm at Christmastime. This evolved into a fun trip down memory lane of Christmases past.

Christmas comes whether or not it looks like a Christmas card outside and for that I am thankful. But I'm especially thankful that I didn't need a jacket yesterday.

Communication

Paper Christmas Cards--a dying breed

While working on our annual Christmas letter recently, I started to think about how the way we communicate has changed.  The number of people who send Christmas cards and letters is definitely decreasing. Even though I send out the same number every year, I am receiving fewer and fewer. I think part of this is because people just don't snail mail things much any more, and there's no need for an annual catch up because people keep in touch throughout the year with Facebook and other social media venues. And although there's a lot more to be explored in this area, this is not really what has gotten me thinking recently.

I was dropping off my car at the shop and John (the mechanic) was taking down numbers where we could be reached. As I gave several numbers between Ward and me, depending on the time of the day and who was where, John related this information. He said if his customer is younger, what he has to do is call them, let it ring once, and then hang up. They answer texts or will check who called and maybe call them back. However, rarely do they answer a ringing phone. He said when the customer gets along about 35 or 40 or older, he can talk to them directly first try. I was surprised by this. Granted, I am far behind in the smart device/phone world, but I would have never dreamed that this was common operating procedure. I, of course, use caller ID, but I do expect to answer some calls.

I not sure what all of this means in the grand scheme of the way communication is evolving, but I do know one thing for sure. That yes, indeed, I am well over 35 years old. I will answer a call from my mechanic.

A Second Look--December 9, 2015

Frost now greets me every morning, but no snow yet. Yeah! There will be plenty of time for that in January and February. The landscape is filled with mostly browns and grays with occasional splashes of color from the pansies that are still blooming. That's one reason I like them so much. Here it is December with frequent frosts and they're still blooming.

The squirrels are very active with a lot of scampering about often with a walnut in their mouth. I saw a squirrel burying a nut one day, but when I checked later it was gone. I'm not sure if he decided that wasn't a good spot or someone watching in the wings had a good snack.

Mushrooms and other kinds of fungus popping up here and there. That probably has something to do with the abundant rain we've been having recently.

Here are a few things I saw this week 

during a Second Look.

Wellness Challenges

Last week, I described a wellness program I am participating in at work and how it is motivating me. As part of the program, we can challenge our friends to do something that will contribute to overall well being. Sometimes the challenge lasts a month and sometimes only a week. They don't always last long enough to establish a habit, but they do keep things interesting and bring certain behaviors (or lack thereof) to the forefront. Here are the present challenges, I'm working on if you want to play along.

Smile at least once a day. Extra points if you make someone laugh.
This one is pretty easy, because I hope most of us smile at least once a day. However, I can't mark this one off yet this morning because mornings for me are just not a smile time. I'll smile extra after I get awake.

Use reusable shopping bags.
This one is pretty much a habit for me, but being in the challenge got me to go back out in the cold to the car one day where we had forgotten the bags. Seeing as how I don't like cold, I'm not sure I would have done that without the challenge.

Do ten minutes of stretching and strengthening exercises a day. 
This challenge was from me because I have gotten very lax in this area. Even though, it's only for ten minutes, I'm still having a problem doing this. I need to work this into part of my routine and just not when I remember to do them.

Pay someone a genuine compliment every day.
Fortunately, this is one I don't have to work on.

Stay away from the candy jar at work.
So far, so good. But it's hard because it sits on my desk. I'm the one who originated the candy jar--mostly to have a peppermint for a dry throat or a little sugar pick me up until I could eat. Overtime, everyone has become part of it and as of late, has been bringing in good candy--meaning chocolate. One more day to go on this one and I think I can do it.

For dinner (supper), don't go out or bring in take out.
As you can guess, this is a difficult one for me because we are not a family who likes to spend time in the kitchen.  But I've been working hard on it and we are doing well so far. As everyone knows, the key to this is planning. And except for fresh salad fixings, our meals have all come from ingredients in the freezer, so I do plan sometimes. It's the follow through that's the problem.


Challenges are coming and going all of the time, and I'm going to update them for you time to time if you want to play along.

Thankful Sunday--December 6, 2015

I am thankful for a strong husband 

(with good tools).

Last week, a delivery truck backed into our mailbox and knocked it over. However, Ward was able to dig a new hole with his handy post hole diggers and get our mailbox upright and secure again. I would have been able to do this, but let's just say that I lack upper body strength. So a job that might have taken me most of the day, my husband did lickety-split. And for that, I am thankful.

A Second Look--December 2, 2015

We are into early winter weather with many cold, rainy days, and I have not been encouraged to do a lot of looking around the yard. It's also deer season which has limited my exploration in the woods. Nevertheless, the view from the window has been good. The bird activity has picked up  as well as the deer activity in the upper yard.

Here are a few things I saw this week (and last) during a Second Look.

We recently had a full moon which was bright enough to wake me up at night.

We don't see many bucks in the deer herds that come into our yard, but there was one this day.

Downy woodpecker

I've been seeing some bluebirds over the last couple of weeks. Some of them migrate south and some stay for the winter which I guess these are doing.

This pair of bluebirds have been going in and out of the birdhouse almost like it is spring and they're building a nest. However, they are probably just establishing a roosting place for the winter.

House finch and goldfinch. They are blending pretty well into their background.

The leaves are pretty much down from the trees now except for the oaks which won't lose all of this years leaves until the new spring growth pushes them off.