Christmas can be one of the happiest or one of the saddest times of the year. We see the happy parts because they are everywhere. The brightly colored decorations, the Christmas pageants, the special gifts, the family gatherings, the music. But we don't necessarily see the grief and loneliness that are also a part of the season for many. I've been thinking a lot about these ups and downs because of two recent events.My cousin, TJ, died two weeks ago. TJ had chronic health problems that had been spiraling downwards for the last few months; however, she remained determined to live life on her terms so she was at home when she tragically died in a fire. A shock to everyone, especially her siblings who had been helping her through these difficult times. This is going to be a very difficult Christmas for them, but they are focusing on the fact that TJ is at peace now and with those who have gone before her.
On the other end of the spectrum, our family is celebrating the birth of Baby Girl. Baby Girl was born a few days ago to my niece and her husband. The baby is healthy and just about perfect in every way. In fact, she has already been declared by her grandparents as smarter and prettier than anyone else around. The whole family is celebrating.
It doesn't get more basic than that--a death and a birth. Sadness and joy.
I don't really know what else to say other than, I know am not alone in these bittersweet feelings. If you are feeling sadness and loneliness this season, I hope you also get a chance to find some joy whether it is as big as celebrating a birth or as routine as enjoying a warm bed.
So well said. I'm so sorry for your loss, and so happy for the new addition to your extended family. A dear friend of mine had to put her beloved cat down yesterday - it was 13 years to the day since I lost my sweet Mow Kitty - first cat of my adult life. So lots of mixed feelings here.
ReplyDeleteI'm FINALLY starting to get into the holiday spirit though. It's snowing here... first time since September! CatMan and I watched "It's a Wonderful Life" last night, and I (of course) cried my eyes out at the end. It's the quintessential gratitude film, and it always makes me happy.
Wishing you and yours a very happy 1st day of winter!
Sometimes it seems like the whole world is having a Hallmark Christmas and you've been left out. I wanted to acknowledge that with this post. I wrote it many different ways, but could never get it to say exactly what I wanted. I just gave up and published it. I hope at least one person can find comfort from it knowing that they're not alone if they're not happy all the time during this season.
DeleteBut on a happier note, snow on ground while watching "It's a Wonderful Life" doesn't get much more Christmasy than that. Sounds like a good evening.
This really is an emotional time of the year. I am having a middle-of-the-road time, meaning nothing either tragic or exceptionally exciting going on--and I am thankful for that! We are all healthy, have good food to eat and a warm bed at night. On Christmas day we will snuggle in, have mom over for a ham dinner, and enjoy a fire in the fireplace. The older I get, the more I think that ordinary joys really aren't ordinary, and the more I try to appreciate them.
ReplyDeleteI would also like to offer my condolences. What a shock to your family.
Christmas time seems to magnify feelings--both happy and sad. And that's maybe a sign of getting older as you mentioned. I like what you said about ordinary joys are really not so ordinary and are to be appreciated. I try to do that, but that is a good reminder.
DeleteTJ's death was a shock. She and her two cats perished in the fire. It took a few days for it to sink in and her siblings are having a really hard time. TJ had a pretty hard life, so the wish for her to Rest in Peace was never more appropriate and comforting.
I am sorry for the sudden loss of your cousin. I hope her siblings have good support. The baby is a wonderful and obviously very welcome addition. I hope you'll appreciate what you can of this season, one I often find stranger as the years pass. My condolences.
ReplyDeleteThanks. The siblings are very close. I think they will be good for each other. At this point, they're not ready to reach out to others for support.
DeleteThat's an interesting comment that this season is getting stranger. In what way do you mean?
Co-mingling emotions, memories, expectations...
DeleteI hope you can sort out some of those feeling and find a little more peace this Christmas and in the future.
DeleteI am sorry for your loss and congratulations on welcoming a new baby in the family. The family didn't get to say goodbye to their sister/daughter/cousin and I'm sure that must be painful even as one is grateful for her that her health problems are finally over. One never knows how to feel in those situations, I imagine there is guilt felt by some too. We all love to beat ourselves up for things that we can't possibly control.
ReplyDeleteHave you seen your new grandniece yet? Do they live far? Maybe you can add a baby ornament to your tree this year :)
November through January has been a sad month for me since 2013. An unspeakable and shocking tragedy hit my maternal family (something big enough to make the national news in France), first in November and then again in December of that year. What a nightmare that was and continues to be for my beloved great aunt and her family, especially.
A week later, my dad called to say my stepmom was losing the battle with her pancreatic cancer and wanted to be home, so he asked me to come right away. So I left my husband and kids and flew to France on Christmas Day and spent the next 2 weeks helping my stepmom die, pretty much, as my dad delegated full responsibilities to me as he entertained visitors. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life so far and, coming on the heels of the other situation, it started me on this path of chronic "black cloud" that I've been battling, but that whole 3-month period is the worst. It doesn't help that, as the mom and Entertainer-in-Chief, all the holiday responsibilities fall to me when the rest of my troop is quite happy to lean back and not do much of anything but enjoy the fruit of my labor.
So despite loving the holidays, giving gifts, receiving gifts, the hope and dreams of a new year, I really haven't felt much like celebrating since 2013. That whole period has just become a drag, in my mind. I try to put up a good front but my heart really isn't into it.
I can't think about having to put one of my cats down or I'll start crying. I feel horrible for anyone who has to go through this, especially when everyone else is feeling festive and happy and you just can't escape the Christmas cheer everywhere.
Here's to hoping that all of us can find a little more cheer this Christmas and beyond.
Nathalie, 2013 sounds like it was an extremely difficult time. Hopefully, as time goes on the intensity of your feelings from those tragic events will lessen. I know the term is way overused, but perhaps there's some PTSD involved and talking to someone about it might help.
DeleteAnyway, the new baby lives about 2 hours away. We've seen pictures and should get to meet her Christmas day. It's fun introducing a new generation into the family.
Yes, it was. You know, my brother who is a cop told me in the middle of all the madness at my dad's house at the time that he felt that I would experience PTSD when it was all done because of everything that I was shouldering and the whole experience with my dad too and I dismissed that as "cop talk". Well... I now think he was right. It was super traumatizing. I started my blog about 4 months later to give myself something positive to focus on and an outlet, I guess. I don't like the idea of talking to therapists and the like. I've had bad experiences with them and I'm the kind of person who thinks that I'm the expert on what I need, not some stranger. That being said, I'm actually having a much better holiday season this year than in the last few years, so perhaps time is starting to heal a little, as you suggested.
DeleteI'm sure you're looking forward to Christmas Day even more now that you get to meet the new baby! Babies are just so irresistible, especially when they go home at night and you don't have to be the one getting up with them, lol. Greg's sister just had her first baby last year and she's in her mid 40s and is expecting her second in February. Greg and I looked at each other and declared that we're quite happy that our youngest is about to finish high school, quite honestly. We can't imagine having babies at our age (50 and 49). We just don't have the stamina anymore!
I'm glad that this Christmas is a little better and that the trend continues.
DeleteWith the help of medical technology, there seem to be plenty of people out there who are have kids in their forties and beyond. I'm with you. That wouldn't have been for me. It's exhausting work.
That's what I'll be doing, enjoying my warm bed. I'm sorry about your cousin's death by fire. That's a difficult end and must be hard on those closest to her. Congratulations on another baby joining the family.
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing like a warm bed on a cold night. It's one of the things I like about winter. Hope you get to have a few cats join you there.
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