I overheard someone the other day say that they had given up complaining for Lent. My ears perked up because I thought that was an interesting idea that went beyond the usual sacrifice of chocolate or TV. Was this something I might try? I generally consider myself a positive person looking on the bright side things, but upon closer examination, I'm wasn't sure that was true. In certain circumstances, I am very positive, but in others, I can join the rest of the crowd with their, "Isn't it awful," complaints.
But if I were going to try to go cold turkey on complaining, what would that entail? Trying to define complaining was harder than I thought it would be. I think we'd all agree a statement like, "Liver and onions for supper Again?" Or "The grocery store never opens up enough lanes when I need to check out," involve complaining. But what about, "I'm cold." Is it not complaining if you say, "I'm cold. Could you hand me my sweater?"
I think context and tone of voice have a lot to do with the intent of the comment. I think most of us would agree that anything said in a whiny voice (especially by our kids) is usually a complaint. However, is it a complaint if we state a problem and then follow that by a proposed positive action to fix the problem? (the cold, sweater example above.) And is it okay to complain if it is going to get a problem fixed?
Basically, after trying to think through the concept of complaining, I'm confused. So, here is what I plan to do. I've decided to try not to complain about something if I'm not ready to take action to fix it. This may mean being quiet and reading the checkout magazine headlines, instead of complaining about how slow the checker is. Or it may mean writing my congressman about what I would like to see happen instead of saying what a bunch of bozos are in congress. (But does it count if they really are? Said with an attempt of humor. Ha, Ha)
Wish me luck.
I think there's a difference between whining and complaining. Maybe I'm splitting hairs, but to me, a complaint is a valid observation of a situation which is not going as expected, whereas whining is expressing unhappiness because you aren't getting your way. A complaint can take the form of whining, but as you said, if you come up with a solution, that puts a different spin on it. There are times when complaining is the right thing to do (I recently emailed my dad's hospice nurse to complain about issues with his care--I also suggested options for improvement--this was a circumstance in which I felt that I needed to make a complaint).
ReplyDeleteI'm sure others out there have some great insights--maybe I'm all wet? Thoughts?
Sorry that it's taken me a little while to get back to you, but our internet (and phone and TV) has been out for a couple of days. And yes, I did call them with a "complaint" to get it fixed. As you pointed out, complaints are necessary sometimes.
DeleteI would have to agree with the difference between a whine and complaint. A complaint does not have to be accompanied by a disgruntled attitude, whereas a whine pretty much always is. I think the difference may be something that is only self serving vs. a general complaint. If you buy a package of spoiled meat and take it back, you have a legitimate complaint and the store would want to know about it. If you get pissy with the store manager and whine while pointing out the meat is bad than that is another story.
ReplyDeleteI'm just happy that I'm not the store manager when the "pissy" customer shows up. It would interesting to get the ideas of what a complaint is from someone who works in retail.
DeleteI agree with the other commentators. I have met people who say "you can't complain" and I find myself thinking that they are pathetic individuals. I would argue that it takes courage to complain where the intent is to make positive changes in the world.
ReplyDeleteThe world does not change if people put their hands up in the air and refuse to ask for better. Complaints say, I want better, I deserve better, this is not good enough, you are in breach of the law, you are putting my and others safety in jeopardy. I think taking up complaining, where change by another party is required, for lent, would be far more interesting!
I even have time for the occasional recreational whinge. Endless whinging where people are never willing to do what they can about the situation and have got into the habit of whinging too much, drives me spare! A little whinging though, is human.
I am not familiar with the term "whinging". After looking it up, it is similar to "whining" but I think better represents what I think this person that I overheard is trying to avoid. I like your spirit and it is evident that if we didn't "complain" or make problems heard, we would have no forward movement in the world.
DeleteThanks for visiting, Hobart. I took a visit to your sight and immediately saw post that I plan to take a look at when I get back from work. Look forward to hearing from you again.
Harry Potter lived with his annoying relatives in Little Whinging--I bet that was lost on most of us American readers! :)
DeleteAnd Hobart thinks I'm courageous! Awesome! :) Seriously though, great comments.
Thank you! I hope you find something uplifting, and or at least useful, on my blog.
DeleteWhinging may be a more quintessentially Australian expression. I use “whining” too, a slightly different nuance. Got to love the English language!
(Ah yes, a little courage goes a long way, Kris!)
Yes, I can understand where you are coming from. Giving up habitual whining is no mean feat :D
They are a bunch of bozos and stating that is stating a fact not complaining. :-) I think you've maybe thought too hard on what complaining is? Good luck. I saw a news piece where a Christian woman plans to wear a burka (?) for lent to feel what kind of prejudice woman who wear their head coverings experience.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I do, think too much sometimes. Maybe that's what I should give up for Lent (if I did that kind of thing.)
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