Ward and I recently went to a couple of
shows. We bought our tickets months ago and had been looking
forward to them. The first was a concert by John Prine. In case
you're not familiar with him, he's a songwriter/singer who is great
at telling a story and evoking emotions with simple words and a clever
turn of a phrase. He's also a masterful guitar player. The concert
had no special lights, no hanging from the ceiling, no dancers--just
a man and his guitar occasionally joined by a bass, mandolin, or
another guitar. To me it was magical and I loved it.
Unfortunately, so did the man sitting
beside us. He was having the time of his life. He was dancing in his
seat, singing along, and clapping vigorously. None of this was a
problem even though we were in a small theater. The problem was his
whistle. It was very loud. In fact, it was ear piercing. My ears
literally hurt every time he did it--which was frequently because he
obviously loved John Prine. I know that I was not the only one who
was bothered. He got plenty of looks, and people were holding their
ears all around him. Yet, he went along his merry way whistling with all of his might. I guess he was in the zone. He turned an otherwise wonderful concert into a painful one at times.
A week later, we saw a production of
Ave Q. Ave Q is a Tony-award-winning musical loosely based on a Sesame Street format
with puppets and actors. However, it is not for kids as it has adult themes. We also enjoyed this show very much.
Except, for the problem with the woman sitting in front of us. She was not loud like
the whistler. She was loud in another sort of way. It was her
perfume. The smell of it was so strong that I had a headache by
intermission. Another perfect show ruined by someone in the audience.
Okay, maybe ruined is too strong of a word, but the overpowering
perfume smell certainly distracted from the enjoyment of the show.
Now here's the question. Would you have
done anything to change these less than optimum situations? Or would
you have just come home and fussed about them like I did?
Hmm, I don't know. If I can find a gently humorous way to say something critical or if I know the person, I would probably speak up, but in your case, I would probably sit and fume. At my son's baseball game last week some grandparents of a player decided to watch the game from their car with their 18 month old grandson--they let the grandson play with the windshield wipers but they didn't use the wiper fluid and it made a horrible screeching sound. I know the mom so I jokingly asked if they were trying to get the windshield really, really clean, and she took the hint and asked the grandparents to stop it (at which time everyone in the stands started commenting on how annoying the sound was), but that was a case where I know the mom (who is a nice woman) and felt like I could say something. I also joked about being "part dog" and that I could hear frequencies others don't. That's a tricky situation. With the perfume, there is nothing the woman could really do about it ... but the whistling man could change his behavior.
ReplyDeleteI probably should have said something to the man, but I kept thinking he was catching on. Then the whistle would come again.
DeleteI can't believe that the windshield wiper squeaking didn't bother the grandparents. I can't stand that noise. Glad you were able to get it stopped with everyone being happy.
The perfume one is hard for me, as some perfumes will trigger a migraine. Fortunately, it seems that women are wearing less perfume than they used to. I remember really disliking elevators as a teenager, because of the headaches that would follow. That doesn't happen as often any more.
ReplyDeleteIt was an older woman who had on too much perfume. You could tell that she liked to do things in a big way. She had big hair, big jewelry, big nails, and big ruffles. While not my style, I enjoyed her outfit. I just wish she had left off the perfume.
DeleteFor years, we haven't been allowed to wear perfume at work due to allergies our patients may have. I think it's a great policy. Sort of like the smoking ban in public places.
ReplyDeleteL&L, I think the grandparents couldn't hear the windshield wiper. They were in the car with a couple of squirrelly little ones and I think they were trying to keep the little ones entertained so mom & dad could have some peace to watch the game without chasing children.
You know, living in the world we do today, where shootings occur at public events, makes me hesitant to speak up about a little annoyance. Who knows what someone's reaction will be.
Hey, I have another annoying situation which maybe you could give feedback on. At the same game as the windshield wiper event, my son froze and couldn't swing the bat (he was having some kind of a mental block ... ) and the bases were loaded ... so he struck out and we lost the chance to score. My son is 10 and is one of the older kids on the team. One of the moms (I'm not sure she knew we were his parents) was loudly proclaiming that she couldn't believe he didn't even swing, you just don't do that, the bases were loaded and they needed a hit, blah blah blah. Her son happens to be a very talented player and baseball comes naturally to him. Mine, not so much, but he is good at fielding and tries hard. I was so irritated that I took my daughter to the playground so I had time to cool down. Another mom on the team has a son who also was struggling with hitting, so after I came back, I had conversations with her (I knew the others sitting around us could hear us talk ... ) about how my son was fielding better but for some reason had a mental block about swinging the bat this year and we were trying to work through it with him. I admit that I said these things partly to get the annoying mom to back off. I'm never sure if the best recourse is to chalk it up to boorish behavior or to confront (or do what I did--try to subtly let the offending person know that they need to consider that we are all human and our feelings matter). Any thoughts? (She did back on her comments after that). Part of my thought process is, really? Does winning a game with 8- to 10-year-olds matter so much to you? I guess my perspective is more that I hope the kids have fun, learn some skills, and learn good sportsmanship.
ReplyDeleteI have found when something comes naturally to someone or their children, it is difficult for them to have empathy. It is so easy for them, it hard for them to imagine that it is not innate in everyone. I'm sure that I would have been very upset also and probably wouldn't have made it to the playground. Ward would have had to calm me down.
DeleteIt was probably best to not say anything when you were upset, but I might have said something like, "That's my son and I'm sure that he wishes that he had swung at it also. However, unfortunately he's having some blocks with batting right now. He's excelling in math (or something else), but seems to be having more difficulty with swinging this year. You know how it is. Kids are always working on something and now's the time to figure these things out--when they're young and the consequences aren't high."
I am sorry your shows were not enjoyed fully because of people around you. I would like to say I would have spoken up in each case but I really don't like confrontations and have been known to leave a show feeling just like you. I have stopped going to movie theaters because of cell phone conversations and even families that allow children to run around during the show. I recently watched a dance recital where my chair was kicked, people decided to use the handles for pushing it to lean on, had conversations and I was even kicked hard enough to leave a bruise when one person got too close when trying to squeeze next to me to talk to someone in the row directly in front of me. Only in the case of the person leaning on my chair to have a conversation with others did I say anything.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to believe people were all over your chair like that. I don't quite understand it. I hope that you got to enjoy the "star" of the dance recital anyway.
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