N is for Names“I read in a book once that a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, but I've never been able to believe it. I don't believe a rose WOULD be as nice if it was called a thistle or a skunk cabbage.”
― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables
This was going to be a post about names. How a name can affect perceptions and personalities. About how certain names are becoming extinct (Waldo and Zelma) and how Johnny Cash didn't like the name of Sue. Also, I was going to talk about the most popular names of last year (Sophia and Noah) and most popular names over the last 100 years (James and Mary). (BTW, the Social Security Administration has some interesting stats complied in this area.) Then I was going to touch on crazy celebrity kid's names like North West, Apple, and Myrtle.
Next, I was going to tell the story about a friend, who after her divorce, decided to pick an entirely new last name--not her maiden name or her married name, but just one she like the sound of. And I was going to end with asking if you like your name and have you ever thought about changing it.
However, it was much too nice out to stay inside and develop these Name ideas. So I decided to go outside and do a Second Look and use the N for Nature.
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N is for Nature
Here are few things in nature that I saw
this week during a Second Look.
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| This is the second set of daffodils to bloom. |
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| This variety bloomed last week, but this is the first bloom in another bed. |
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| The triple blossom daffodils are just coming out also. |
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| Violets |
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| Forsythia. |
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| The bumble bees have been swarming around the pieris japonica blooms. But also notice the smaller bee in the middle of the picture. |
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| That smaller bee attached itself to the bottom of one of the bumble bees. I asked a friend, who raises bees, what was going on and she didn't know. Now, I've got the question into the extension agent. I've never seen anything quite like that. |
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| This is the first bluebird I've seen this spring and I hope it builds a nest in the box. Last year it fought with sparrows for the box and the sparrows won. |
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| Female cardinal |
Your stand of daffodils looks so thick, lush and healthy. Mine are dwindling and may need some extra care this year.
ReplyDeletenames--I don't particularly care for my name. I always wondered why my sister got the "pretty" name and I just got a weird one. Or maybe that's my perception of who I am, and who my sister is. She's the pretty one, and I'm just the odd one.
I do like what your friend did, though, changing her last name to something she wanted, instead of bemoaning the name choices she had.
I thought "Lili" was a nickname? And I'm betting you are every bit as pretty as your sister--I'm convinced we look in the mirror and see ourselves much more harshly than how others see us.
DeleteI thought my name was okay, but not as good as one of my sister's. I had heard that I was named after one of my parent's friends, but thought that she was gone by now. However, I met my namesake at my father's funeral a couple of years ago. That was a nice surprise.
DeleteIt really is hard to see oneself objectively or another family member for that matter. We're too close to be able to focus properly. But that doesn't stop us from trying.
DeleteKris, it is a nickname. But I was always called by my nickname. No one ever called me by my given name. In fact, I didn't even know that I had another name until I was 6 yrs old, in 1st Grade. But when I had my kids, one thing I made sure of was to give each of them names common enough that pronunciation would be readily understood. My name is often mispronounced. I did google my name a while back and was quite surprised that there are many "Lili"s in the world.
DeleteLili is a new name for me and until you mentioned how to say it on your blog, I thought it was Lily. I bet you get that a lot.
DeleteCatMan has similar feelings about his name... he was the oldest, but it was his younger brother who was named after his father. For some reason he never asked his parents why they chose his name, and now they're gone. I like to think that they named him for someone very special.
DeleteI love your photos as usual, especially since we are now passed the pretty bloom stage of spring. (But, oh, do we ever have some serious green now)
ReplyDeleteI always liked my name. It is just a one syllable, no nonsense, practical name. And even though it is ordinary, I am very particular about that E on the end of it. My sister and I have rhyming names so neither of us really got the better name.
I have a name that can be spelled a couple of different ways, and my way is not the common one. If someone asks, I tell them the correct spelling, but over the years, I've learned to just go with however they want to spell it because it's easier. (However, I was annoyed with my boss who couldn't get it right even after four years.)
DeleteAnne's comment, above, is funny, considering that you began this post with an Anne of Green Gables quote (who was VERY particular about spelling it as "Anne with an E"). I've always like my name, but my mom hated hers, so I tried to be very careful about the names I picked out for my children, since I do believe it shapes your perception of yourself--but I probably won't know for years whether or not my kids will like their names long-term.
ReplyDeleteOur grass is greening up and the daffodils are popping, but I'm sooooooo ready for leaves on the trees.
You know, I never like it when the leaves come on the trees because I like the sculpture of the branches. Also, leaves on the trees signals the end of the beautiful flowers of spring.
DeleteWaldo and Zelda!! For real? I loved your pictures. I have never seen a blue bird in my backyard. I like my name. I am named after my mom who was Pauline!
ReplyDeleteThat was a smart way to do names so there wouldn't be confusion--Paula and Pauline.
DeleteI haven't seen the bluebird again and no activity in the nest boxes yet. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
Well... hmm... to share or not to share. Names are sorta a loaded topic for me. My parents told me that they chose my name because I was the ugliest baby they'd ever seen, so they named me after a friend who was really ugly, but whom everyone liked. They always said that if I turned out pretty they'd call me by my full name, and if I stayed ugly they'd use my nick-name. They always used my nick-name.
ReplyDeleteOver the years I've come to see that all this says much more about my parents than it does about me, but it still strikes me as such a cruel thing to do to a child. Anyhow, suffice it to say, Cat is not my given name, and I like it that way! :-)
However well intended, your parents didn't always make the best decisions, did they? From what you've said before, their missteps didn't stop with your naming. But because of or in spite of them, you have become a kind, compassionate, responsible adult.
DeleteDid you ever get to meet the ugly friend?
Cat, that breaks my heart. I can't even say what that makes me think of your parents. It just seems unpardonable.
DeleteI just feel sad for you, Cat. You posted a picture of yourself as a teenager awhile back and I remember thinking what a pretty girl you were (and presumably still are!) so I think you should have been called by your full name! So there! I agree with L&L--you have overcome some significant obstacles to become a lovely person.
DeleteI remember when you showed pictures from your wardrobe and I envisioned a very pretty head on the body you showed us. So I think that means you are pretty not only on the outside, but on the inside also.
DeleteAwwww... thanks guys. I never know whether to share that story or not, it sorta tends to freak people out.
DeleteI think it's safe to say that both of my parents had/have significant "issues." In many ways I think I've always been a big movie screen for them, a convenient place for them to project all of their "stuff." And since my birth seems to have been one of the factors that precipitated their divorce, I suppose it stands to reason that it would be hard for them to see me as pretty.
The funny thing about all this is that I look so very much like my mother when she was young - so perhaps it's all just a reflection of her poor self-image - with a bit of a sadistic twist. Especially when she'd repeatedly say to me: "Remember - beauty is only skin deep... but ugly goes to the bone!"
I never met the woman after whom I was named, and I'm not sure I'd want to. CatMan always tells me that I'm beautiful, and I figure it's his opinion that counts the most! :-)
Cat, people who are hurting often project their own pain onto the innocent bystanders. The phrase "misery loves company" comes to mind. I don't think that your parents set out to be hurtful, really bad parents, but I just think they themselves were hurting so badly, over who knows what, that they were dysfunctional bombs walking around, ready to explode on anyone who came near them.
DeleteI think what you looked like as a baby had no bearing in reality to their actions. The unpardonable part to me is that they never became accountable, healthy adults to begin making amends for their behavior.
I don't think CatMan would feed you a bunch of lies, so you must indeed be beautiful!
I'm shedding a few tears over all of this. First, that Cat had to grow up in such a difficult situation. And next, the fact that her blog friends are so supportive of her. And lastly, the fact that CatMan tells her she's beautiful.
DeleteI'm shedding a few tears too... you guys are wonderful.
DeleteI think my parents both came by their pain honestly. Both had abusive alcoholic fathers. My father's childhood was truly horrible - he had a grandmother who would do things like throw butcher knives at him when she got angry, and his step-father committed suicide when my dad was about 15... Dad found the body. My mother's family stuff was more subtle, but no less deadly.
In some ways I think my dad fared better because when things are blatantly awful it's easier to identify them as such. When everything is murky and manipulative like in my mother's family, it's much harder to point to it and deal with the ugliness.
But in a funny way I'm grateful for my crazy dysfunctional family. They were crazy enough that I could see it and rebel against it, but not so totally nuts so as to leave me a complete emotional wreck (at least I hope not!) I think the people who really suffer are the ones who have screwed up families that look completely normal from the outside, because it leaves you with a whole pile of emotions that are virtually impossible to sort through and deal with.
Anyhow, at one point I seriously considered changing my name, but ultimately decided against it. It's a good reminder for me to look beneath the surface, and try to see the emotional reality behind how people are behaving.
Well then, that is making a lot of sense to me. Your parents were both ACOA. In their younger years, no one ever gave help to the children of alcoholic parents. It was just assumed that "children are resilient" and "things will all work out". I can imagine the kind of pain that your parents experienced, growing up with alcoholic fathers, and no tools for dealing with it all. Your dad may have also just had it in himself to see that he wasn't responsible for the actions of the adults in his childhood. Knowing that, even on a sub-consious level, would have helped him distance himself emotionally from it all, and maybe have a slightly healthier attitude, than your mother.
DeleteAnd I think you, yourself, are also the type of person who can step back and see that their actions were not caused by you, nor could you have changed anything about them.
It's sad to think that life was probably pretty miserable for both of them, growing up. But I'm very glad for you, that you've found how to put their actions into perspective, and move on, without repeating their mistakes.
So, if Cat isn't your real name, then I'm guessing that "CatMan" is not the name on his birth certificate, either. I was thinking perhaps he was CatMan Stevens, or CatMan-du.
Lili, you crack me up. You know, I get so used to referring to him as CatMan, that sometimes I almost forget that it isn't his real name!
ReplyDeleteI do feel a great deal of sadness when I think about my parents. I spent a long time trying to fix things for them - thinking that if I could just be the "perfect daughter" it would somehow make up for everything else, and they'd magically become "normal." Over the years I figured out that it doesn't work that way. And the older I get, the more I'm able to separate myself from the equation and see that none of it really had anything to do with me at all. It still makes me sad though.
Yes, Lili, you are making me laugh this morning also. Ca Man Stevens...
ReplyDeleteBTW, does CatMan have any cats at his house?
CatMan has a big beautiful long-haired tuxedo cat named Pookey. The Pookster is on the order of 16 pounds, with the most enormous paws and head you've ever seen, but he has this incredibly high pitched little meow that sounds like a tiny kitten!
DeleteThat must be one of Pookey charms--his sweet little meow coming from such a big body.
Delete