Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Family Reunion

or An Interesting Question

Last weekend I went to a family reunion on my father's side of the family. Besides the normal catching up, there was a theme throughout the day. How did your parents meet? This all started because I found a newspaper clipping in one of my mother's scrapbooks about my oldest aunt's wedding in 1948. It got me thinking that I had heard the story about how my parents had met, but none of the accounts of how my aunts and uncles first got together. I asked around and heard bits and pieces of stories from various cousins about their parents. However, I was able to get one of the stories straight from the source--Aunt Debbie and Uncle Alan.
Uncle Alan at the time he met Aunt Debbie
(minus the leather jacket.)

Debbie and Alan told the story of when they first laid eyes on each other at a church Christmas play. Upon seeing my uncle standing at the back of the church in a leather jacket, my aunt declared that was the man she going to marry. It didn't seem to matter that her fiancee at the time was sitting right beside her. They wove a quite colorful story of the complications of fiancees and girlfriends with my aunt even telling my uncle that she was engaged, but only on weekends.

While I immensely enjoyed the tale of their first meeting and courtship, there was another part that I found even more interesting. My aunt asked each one of her suitors, including my uncle, a curious question, "If you were going to build a city, what would you do?" Among other things, Uncle Alan answered that he would design one like Washington, D.C., with a center circle and streets going out like spokes from there. I commented to my aunt that that must have been an acceptable answer and she said that Alan was the only one who ever gave her an answer. Her fiancee said she was never going to build a city, so it didn't matter.

Then I asked the obvious question, why did she ask about building a city? Aunt Debbie said that it told her if the suitor could make a plan and if they could dream about the future. I found that very smart of her to question her boyfriends in that way. It seemed to be a good test because she and my uncle have been married for almost 62 years now.

I was not nearly so clever as my aunt, but I had a question for Ward, too, before we got married. I asked him that if we had problems, would he go to a counselor with me? He said that of course he would. Then there was my follow up question, "Would you go even if I thought we had problems but you didn't?" Well, he gave the right answer to that one also and here we are thirty some years later. Luckily, I haven't had to take him up on his promise yet.

Did you have any specific questions for someone with whom you thought you might spend the future? Is there a question you wished you had asked?

Note: You've heard it many times before, but I'll say it again. Now is the time to learn your family stories. My Uncle Alan is the only one left of my father's eight siblings. I wish the others were here to ask the same question about their meeting, but they're not. Who knows what other stories we might have to add to this one if I had talked to them earlier.


15 comments:

  1. Interesting! I knew TheHub was very ambitious when we married but I wished I had asked if he had to choose between personal and professional success which would he choose.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Another very good question. However, when we got married we were just out of school with no professional work experience and I don't think we would have understood the implications of your question. But I think that it's a good one to ask on a regular basis because it's so easy for work to take over your life. I have had jobs where as long as you keep giving, they'll keep asking with no thought to the time you are putting in.

      Delete
  2. Love the story! And the comment that she was engaged, but only on weekends. Very funny.

    I didn't have a specific question for my to-be husband, but I was very observant of his behaviors. Specifically, I watched how he interacted with people with whom he didn't need to be nice (or to impress). How did he treat waitresses, the elderly, people with physical and mental challenges? My theory was that, at some point, he wouldn't be trying to impress me any longer and I wanted to know that his core behaviors/beliefs were to treat others with kindness and dignity. Obviously, he passed that test. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actions speak louder than words, so observations are the true test. I imagine that since you were in a field that helps those with challenges that you were especially tuned into those interactions.

      I think now about how young and naive Ward and I were when we got married, and that I'm very glad that we have been able to grow together along the way. That's not always the case. As circumstances change many people grow apart. Of course, there's the whole commitment angle, but that's for another discussion.

      Delete
    2. Yes, there were definite advantages to getting married at 35. My husband is younger than I am (6 years) but we had both been self-supporting for several years and had the opportunity, as well, to observe how others "did" marriage, so I feel like we both had a good idea of what we were getting into.

      On the commitment angle ... when my dad's health was severely declining, I asked my mom how she was able to cope. I was thinking more of the "where do you get your strength" side of things. Her reply brought tears to my eyes--she told me "Over 60 years ago I made a promise to your father and I am living out that promise". That's the other side of it for me--I've had great examples of what living out your vows really means.

      Delete
    3. That is a very touching story about your mother and one that is a great example for everyone. Thanks for sharing.

      Delete
  3. What a wonderful story. Honestly, the whole idea of quizzing someone before marrying them sorta took me aback. I guess I have such a non-traditional view of relationships that it would just never occur to me to "interview" someone in that manner.

    That being said, I do think I would have been better served if I had asked my Ex exactly why it was that he didn't have a credit card. Since he was 10 years older than me, and had done things like buy a house, I guess I just sorta assumed a level of financial responsibility that turned out to be totally non-existent!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Assumptions will get you every time. Did you pay more attention to financial styles before you and Catman got together?

      It's not the interview part that took me aback. It's the "that's the man I'm going to marry," upon first sight. I am never that sure of anything even with a lot more information. I guess that's the anxious personality in me.

      Delete
    2. CatMan and I are pretty much on the same page financially. Both of us have to be talked into spending money! Of course, since we don't live together, it's not much of an issue.

      I knew a guy who had one of those "that's the girl I'm going to marry" moments... and he did indeed marry her... and then they had a son... and then they had one of the most bitter and ugly divorces I've ever seen. So, yeah, not sure I'd trust that feeling either!

      Delete
  4. A family reunion sounds like a wonderful event! I'm glad you could ask your aunt and uncle how they met. Too bad you couldn't ask the other aunts and uncles. But maybe, if they had any children, they children might know?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My cousins I asked that day only had vague ideas of how their parents met. I love family stories, but I realize that others may not be as interested in the past. So they may not ask much about it.

      Delete
  5. This was a great post, and yes, I asked a question and got an answer. Alas, the fates were unkind and we did not have a future together but I love people's stories, too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can only assume that fate knew what it was doing and no future together was the right thing.

      I've always been interested in family stories, but the older I get, the more I want to know. Age has a way of bringing certain things into focus a different way.

      Delete
    2. Well, I don't think getting killed in a road accident at 30 is ever a good thing or a right thing, just a terrible waste.

      Delete
    3. So sorry to hear about the tragic accident. There's just no way to understand something like that.

      Delete

What do you think?