Tuesday, August 23, 2016

My father's boat

Ward and I are in the process of buying a house. As part of this, we are getting rid of many things in anticipation of a move. With this discarding comes a whole set of emotions. There's the good feeling of cleaning up and organizing things. There's the angst of wondering if maybe we should have kept something for future use. And there's the sadness and nostalgia of letting a part of the past go. My father's boat is a good example of this.

My father was an avid fisherman and spent most of his life fishing on the local creeks and rivers. He loved being on the river in his john boat whether he was with a friend or by himself. However the last few years of his life, he was not able to go fishing any more and his boat sat in my parent's backyard under the walnut tree. As my father became more and more feeble, my mother fretted more and more about how she was going to get rid of the boat. I think it was easier for her to worry about the boat than it was to think about my father's declining health. So during one of our visits, we said that we wanted the boat and would take it home with us. We didn't really want the boat, but we'd figure out later what to do with it.

And there it sat.
So we loaded the 160 lb, 14' long boat on top of our van and drove it across the mountains to our house. In hindsight, that was not a very smart thing to do, but everyone and everything made it in one piece. We put the boat in the backyard and there it sat.

At first, we asked around if to see if anyone wanted it. We asked Ward's family, we asked the neighbors, and we asked friends. Then I started asking every repairman that came to the house. Several people said they were interested, but never got back to us. So after a while, we moved onto other things and there it sat. Then after a while longer, it became part of the landscape and we forgot about it. That was until recently when we started to think about selling our house. If that was going to happen, the boat was going to have to go.

My first thought was to give the boat away to a charity because I didn't want to have to deal with people coming by to look at it from Craig's list. After a talk with a friend from work who is training to be an EMT, I found the perfect place. I could give it to the local water rescue team to use in training. My father would have loved that idea and actually would have loved being part of a team like that. I called the station and they said great. They could use the boat. I told my sisters and they were thrilled with the idea of Daddy's boat being used that way. It even brought tears to Miss Lander's eyes because it was so perfect.

The next Saturday, we borrowed Uncle Billy's truck to take the boat to the rescue station. I called before we left to let them know we were coming, and they were surprised. They didn't know who I talked to, but they couldn't use the boat. What a big disappointment.

Back to the drawing board. I started calling charities that took cars to see if they wanted a boat. No such luck, because as it turns out, we didn't have the title. We had done a fair amount of looking, but never did find it. So with no title, we couldn't sell it or donate it. What to do now? The best and only suggestion at this point was to turn it over and make a planter out of it. I didn't think that was going to help sell our house.

Then Aunt Martha had the idea that finally worked. Sell it for scrap metal. I hated the idea of scrapping a perfectly good boat, but when you're discarding things, not each and every piece is going to find the perfect home. The local scrap yard would take it without a title, so again we borrowed Uncle Billy's truck to transport the boat. However, I was not ready for the flood of emotions I had as they put it in the truck. All I could see was my father sitting in that boat and fishing. He's been gone for three years, but the memories were still fresh.

The trip to the metal recycling yard went without a hitch (except a pulled muscle Theo got lifting the boat). We were able to get a little money for the boat that we put in an account for my mother's care. I think my father would have approved of what we did with the boat. Because what he would have wanted more than anything is for my mother to be taken care of.


14 comments:

  1. Live and learn, that's so touching. I think you're right on what your father would want more than anything. It sounds like they had a lovely marriage.

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    1. My parents were married for 63 years and figured out what worked for them. Although they had different ways of doing things, they were devoted to each other.

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  2. That is a very sweet post. My folks were married 63 years also. I understand the devotion and the unspoken desire your dad would have about your mother's care.

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    1. We're lucky to have had the example of the long time devotion that our parents had for each other.

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  3. 63 years!!! Amazing. That was some powerful writing today, reflecting powerful emotions. I'm glad you were able to find a solution that allowed your mom to receive some proceeds from the boat. I'm flabbergasted that the charities couldn't accept it as a donation without the title but that the scrap metal business could. It just seems so wrong, somehow, not that you sold it, but that the charities couldn't accept it.

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    1. The scrap metal place would take the boat if it were over 8 years old--which it was. It was maybe 25 years old. Maybe the charities are dealing with newer things and wouldn't accept anything that old. But they all have to be careful to watch out for stolen goods. You have to show a driver's license at the scrap place to drop anything off.

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  4. My dad had the same boat and, like your dad, loved to fish on various lakes in upstate NY. Luckily, my mom, who is a lot less sentimental about things like this, than I am (with similar feelings like you), found someone to take it (she was probably at an advantage over you by living in a pretty rural area where lots of people still fish and there are plenty of lakes to fish on). I was really bummed out, however, when she got rid of dad's canoe to a family friend. I was upset because she just went and did it without asking me about it. BUT, living 3000 miles away in a place where there aren't a lot of canoeing opportunities tempered my feelings about it, I really couldn't complain as what was I really going to be able to do about it, anyway. I still, though, have a lot of pangs about that. I know they're unrealistic, but they are there, none-the-less. I think mom's might not quite get the longtime father-son relationship that's tied up into something like that.

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    1. I think if we had left the boat at my mothers house we would have been able to find someone to take it. In fact, my father had another boat he stored at a friend's house that we gave to him. But at the time, it was the right thing to do to bring it here.

      Is that why you went to help your mother clean out the garage? So she wouldn't give away something like your father's canoe? As our parents age, it is not an easy time of life for many reasons.

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    2. Not really, as the stuff we needed to clean out was really, I guess, the detritus of dad's hobbies, projects and "what might be's". Lots and lots of old boards, planks, and "pieces." Some of the stuff could have found good homes via Craig's List, but it was too much hassle for mom. We did have good luck putting the "useful" stuff (and I needed help from my wife on that) out in front with large "free" signs. That seemed to work real well. One young couple from a side road down the main road a bit, took two old doors for their old farmhouse that is very similar to mom's. One old-timer scarfed up 8 old, raggedy storm windows just like that. It was fun meeting the folks who stopped by. Mom was greatly relieved by the whole thing. Heck, I even managed to ditch some of my rock collection from my undergrad days (but saved the good stuff). Now, I just have to figure out what to do with the old vintage Canadian wooden snowshoes my uncle bequeathed to me! They still hang in the garage.

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    3. I'm starting to sort and give away things so we won't have to move them. However, the rocks are going with us even though they stay packed away in the basement. Crazy some may say, but not as far as I'm concerned. Maybe I'll even had a rotating display in the new house. :)

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  5. What a beautiful post. I can totally see why it was hard to get rid of, but you're totally right, your father would have wanted to take care of your mother. And I had NO IDEA that there was such a thing as a title for a boat! Learn something new every day.

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    1. Yes they have titles, and depending on the state you live in, you have to pay taxes on them.

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  6. I would have loved that boat. It can be hard to part with things that have memories attached. I was trying to raise money recently, by selling some of my things, for cat food. I put my old ice ax I used in climbing in 80's mostly. I'd held onto it because of the memories it holds. It was worth very little at this point, in an age of lightweight alloys metals and slick gear. So what happens? My cousin buys it, pays with a donation to my nonprofit that is way more than its worth, then tells me to keep it. Brought me to tears. So the ice ax stays with me.

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    1. If we didn't live on opposite sides of the country, you could have had the boat because I know that you would have really liked it.

      That's a very sweet story about your ice ax. Speaking of ice axes, a few years ago, my husband climbed Mt. Hood with some friends. He almost most it to the top before the weather turned nasty and made his party retreat.

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What do you think?